11: This is Our Halloween Episode (w/ Baby Daddy Michael)

October 19, 2023

Description

As Meredith heads off to Washington to meet Michael for a turkey bastering, we answer audience questions about our situation. We also indulge in a trip down memory lane, reminiscing on the eerie tales of haunted St. Augustine, our outrageous Halloween costumes, and the wild parties that filled 42 Sanford Street.

Transcript

Meredith: 

Hello guys, welcome to this week’s episode of the Backup Plan. It is go time. I am hopefully getting knocked up by my gay best friend, michael, right now. If you’re listening to this live, on Wednesday I’m in Washington and we’re doing it. Not, we’re not doing it, we’re doing the turkey bastering, but not it. You know, quote it. That’s gross. I can’t imagine doing that with Michael, nor he with me. So it’s at least the feeling is mutual. I am nervous, but more than anything I’m excited. I feel so much more prepared for this than I did last time. Again, if you haven’t listened to past episodes, gave this a go in April and it just didn’t work because I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I only wanted to do it the one time. After that I freaked out and had a little bit of a panic attack, flew home early even because I just wasn’t in the right place. But your girl’s back on her meds has been for a while and I can’t stress enough. I don’t know if anybody’s out there and is contemplated whether or not they want to take medication for any kind of feelings that they feel. I was so concerned it was going to change who I was, that my personality would change, but it doesn’t you just it’s like exhaling. I just feel like it’s like putting on sweatpants after having tight, tight jeans on and three layers of spanks. So if you have any questions about that, reach out to me. I’m not a doctor but I can tell you about my experience. Speaking of questions, I reached out to you. Folks on social media said if you have any questions, let me know, and I want to thank the folks who did reach out. You have all that is home, karen, Thank you. We have Ma Rove, who is based in Turkey, and Maeve Atkins and everybody’s favorite, bravo Liberty Ariya Automatics. She is going to be on the pod very soon. We talked about it this weekend. She’s been so busy with dancing with the stars that she doesn’t have a lot of free time, but she’s going to make time soon and we’ll probably talk about I don’t know, she froze her eggs and that’s a fun thing to talk about. That’s fitting right. Anyway, I’m all packed up. I just got a couple more things to get in the bags. I’ve got my Mosey Baby Kit and I’ve got my keg fertility monitor. So the keg fertility monitor it’s a little device, looks like a sex toy. It was modeled after a sex toy. You put it right up there and it measures cervical mucus, which is different than the traditional ovulation tests that do hormone levels in your pee. So it’s just another way to check things out. And then the Mosey Baby Kit is a bespoke kit made specifically for insemination purposes, so the tip of the syringe is a little bit more rounded, there’s a different kind of a hole that’s, I guess, better suited for a cervix, and the collection cup is rounded at the bottom, which is nice because then you’re able to better suck it up. Anyway, got those. And hey, there’s a link in the description if you want to check out getting that for yourself. And you support the pod when you click that link. So, thank you, thank you, thank you. And yeah, just packing a couple extra syringes, packing up some regular old pee pee ovulation tests, just to be sure, packing up sweaters, because it’s chillier up there than it is in Southern California. And yeah, I’m just feeling generally better than I did last time, probably because one of the things I was most freaking out about last night was like, oh, am I bringing enough clothes? What if it’s colder? And I thought, well, that’s fine, you can just go to the mall and you just go to Target and then it dawned on me there’s no Target in Fairbanks, alaska, which is where we were last time, and I don’t know if that’s a safe place for me to be in this world. Is that far from a Target? It’s comforting guys, is what I’m saying? I got, I got to get this stuff wrapped up. I got to make sure that work is closed out so that I can be on a plane and not worry about anything loose and dangling. So I’m going to go take care of those things. You enjoy this episode. Reach out on Backup Plan Pod, on social media or info at backupplanpodcom. You can reach out to me there and I’m just so grateful for everybody listening and for all of your positive vibes that you’re sending my way. Thank you so much and have a great week. Hi, mikey, hi, hi. Tell the viewers at home what your timeline has been over the last. Like what? Two weeks.

Michael: 

Okay. So two weeks ago would have been Sunday, sunday the 24th. So Sunday the 24th I was in near Banff, alberta, making, slowly making my way through Canada, moving from Alaska to the state of Washington. I had literally everything that I owned divided into two groups. Things that were not so big but really really, really important All went in the truck with me, and things that were bigger and less important went into a U-Haul they call it a U-Box and then it got shipped down to Washington and so I was actually really enjoying being in Banff National Park. I got to go to Jasper National Park, got to do a few hikes, it was absolutely beautiful. But it was a little nerve-wracking because it wasn’t just like a trip that I’m on because I wanted to be there. It was a trip. It was me trying to enjoy the beauty around me while I was literally moving my entire life.

Meredith: 

I couldn’t do that. I cannot compartmentalize that. I’m like, no, I will get to the place and then I’ll take time off and go to the place. But except for when you moved to Alaska, I was like I do want to stop at Mount Rushmore, but that was only a little bit out of the way and it was just for a quick jaunt to talk to some Amish people about chipmunks, it was a jaunt.

Michael: 

Yes, do you remember that creature there? What is that creature?

Meredith: 

No, what is that there creature?

Michael: 

What was that there? Creature, yeah, yeah.

Meredith: 

Yeah, yeah, and the Amish people would only talk to you. They wouldn’t talk to me.

Michael: 

Right, yeah, yeah, so it’s fine.

Meredith: 

I’m a heathen, I get it I understand.

Michael: 

Well, no, no, no, the ones that were talking to me were male and you’re a female, so of course they wouldn’t talk to you. A female heathen, yeah, and none of the. They might have been Mennonites, because we were in, like the Wyoming, south Dakota area. But, regardless, whatever they were.

Meredith: 

I think they had the Amish gear on though.

Michael: 

Right, but don’t Mennonites also dress like that? I got some work to do. I don’t know.

Meredith: 

I got some, got some research to do.

Michael: 

But anyway, yeah, none of the girls talked to me.

Meredith: 

No, no, no no.

Michael: 

But they did look and giggle a couple of times. So, oh my God, yeah.

Meredith: 

What a trip. And that was two. Two traffic tickets in one day.

Michael: 

Yes, that was well, two getting pulled over Right, and then the officers. The officers didn’t give us the traffic ticket.

Meredith: 

Officers. Euler was the best part of the trip that day, absolutely yeah. How long did we talk to him for?

Michael: 

Oh gosh like 30 minutes. And he was telling us about Anilope and oh yeah, and it would have been really awkward if, after like the 30 minutes because we were like asking him about like everything, about like Montana and sunset and all this kind of stuff it would have been really awkward if at the end of that he was like and here’s your ticket, it’s going to be $300. You know what I mean. So I’m so glad that he like let us go with a warning after all that, because what a, what a weird moment that would have been to have made friends with this state trooper in the middle of nowhere. That, honestly, he probably pulled us over because he was so bored, right, so bored. You know what I mean.

Meredith: 

I feel like we talked to him about Jackalope too.

Michael: 

Yeah.

Meredith: 

Something definitely like what time the sunset and what time the street lights came on.

Michael: 

We had a lot of questions and then he told us to like watch it, please watch out for antelopes. And then he’s like oh, and make sure your headlights have to go on one hour before sunset. And we said, cool, got it. When is sunset? He said I don’t know. Yeah.

Meredith: 

Yeah, oh my God, we have fun.

Michael: 

Yeah, we do.

Meredith: 

We have fun, so um. So all that to say that you are currently living out of boxes. Yes, moved into your new apartment. Yes, loving it.

Michael: 

Yes, I love. I love the new apartment, I love where I’m living. I love everything about it. I will just I’m literally just on my last step, which is get everything out of the boxes and put it away, and I love that step though. Yeah, and it’s. It’s been really good getting to that step, because all the other steps were kind of nerve wracking. I did get a flat tire going through Canada. I ended up having to buy four, four new tires, which, on 1500 Ram, is not cheap. Luckily, I’m. I’m actually like super glad that it happened in Canada, though, because our our dollar is a lot stronger than the Canadian dollar right now, so it actually would have been even more expensive if it had happened in the United.

Meredith: 

States. I still have a hard time, even though I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I have a hard time imagining you in a Dodge Ram. I just or a. Ram truck or a whatever it’s called, it’s just not a Michael Carr.

Michael: 

Right.

Meredith: 

But it is now, I guess.

Michael: 

Yeah, it is. It is but but it is the first truck that I’ve ever owned. It’s been great for road trips through Alaska. It’s got a lot of height and a lot of clearance, which was great for driving in snow. I do think now that I live in more of a city, probably we’ll go back to NSUV. I’ll probably go back to Jeeps after this, although I enjoyed my my short few years as a truck guy.

Meredith: 

It’s just wild to me. So we are eminently approaching next ovulation date. Are you excited? Well, I don’t know. Are we going to?

Michael: 

see each other. I don’t know what the plan is, okay.

Meredith: 

So, yeah, well, we can figure this out in real time. So, fyi, I just got my period thrilling which means a week from today, I’ll be ovulating.

Michael: 

Okay, gotcha.

Meredith: 

But you’ll still be on your work trip, right yeah?

Michael: 

I’ll still be in South Dakota, but I get back next Monday, so literally the day after a week after your period starts.

Meredith: 

Okay, so there is also the option if you wanted to fly here from your work trip or in. Or are those tickets already bought?

Michael: 

Yeah, the tickets are already bought and booked, so the only way to do that would be to fly to Spokane and then, and then from Spokane down to yeah.

Meredith: 

I just have to find somebody to watch the cats, because I, from the 15th to the 20th- is when I am this time.

Michael: 

And the problem is is like this isn’t going to be very like relaxing for you here because this house is chaos. Like I’ll have to make, I’ll make a little bit of room for you.

Meredith: 

But, yes. I do love unboxing and organizing things.

Michael: 

Yes, that would be wonderful. I would love, I would love for you to help with that. That would be great.

Meredith: 

I’m very good at it, so it might be a great way for me to like take my mind off of being stressed out about anything else. Yeah, that’ll work, and you actually have an internet that works there this time, right, oh my gosh we can.

Michael: 

we can do like five things at the same time and we can both be working and watching Netflix, and my robot vacuum can be sending me updates about how much dirt it just picked up and Okay, wait, I’ve just gotten back into robot vacuuming.

Meredith: 

Yeah, and how do you like yours that you have?

Michael: 

So I love the one that I have now. I started out with a little bit of a cheaper one because I just kind of wanted to like ease into yeah. So I had like a $95 robot vacuum. It was great. It lasted about two years and then it just started making a lot of noise. This time I kind of splurged and I got a. I got a Samsung and it’s one of those. When it’s done it actually sucks all the dirt up into a tower for you that has a garbage bag already in it. That one, that one is great. It gives me a little bit like too much information, but what does it tell you? It just tells me like the percent clean that it did of the map that it made of my house and which is like I don’t know what kind of map it’s making, because every single day that this robot vacuum has been running, things have been in different, like I’ve been reorganizing the whole house.

Meredith: 

Like I put over here and I have a feeling it’s probably not like the best time for it to like learn no not at all so, but but I do like it.

Michael: 

I was able to set it in Portuguese, so I’m learning all about how, like, how to say like, like the vacuum is scanning the house and what is that important?

Meredith: 

No, what is that in Portuguese?

Michael: 

Oh, so so. So it starts out by saying um está encontrado a localizar, which is like I’m finding my location in your house. It’s amazing.

Meredith: 

Great, yeah, I’m looking at a new one because I had a. I just got a like cheapy peepee one a couple of years ago and, speaking of peepee Max, my dog who passed away like last year, he was having accidents inside the house so I put down a peepee pad for him and I forgot I had put that down and I just like set the robot and was like, oh, it’s almost done, it’ll go back to its little chamber or whatever.

Michael: 

No, oh no.

Meredith: 

It sucked up the peepee pad and then it got stuck.

Michael: 

So it’s like oh, and then it couldn’t move.

Meredith: 

No worse, it couldn’t move. But then Max was like this is my peepee spot and like when peepeed on the pad, the robot had sucked it up. So he peed like into the robot and like half on the pad and so I like I took that damn robot apart and cleaned it out. Real good. But now it’s like a robot with a traumatic brain injury.

Michael: 

Yeah.

Meredith: 

So like it’s like it hits you sometimes, Like its object recognition is like not great, because it’s got that sensor where it bumps and then turns around.

Michael: 

Yes.

Meredith: 

Sometimes it’ll just like fully, fully ram you.

Michael: 

I might have. I might have just been tempted to grab a blanket, scoop all that up and then throw it in the trash at that point I don’t know. I don’t know.

Meredith: 

But I got because I named it Charlie and so I got like attached to it, but it’s still working. I mean, it’s still vacuuming up a lot, but I would love to have that thing where it’s like this is the living room.

Michael: 

Yeah.

Meredith: 

Only go here, Right, and then like go do my bedroom or go. You know like I’d like to be able to tell with that. And I love the idea of the like tower yes, All that can sit up into the tower.

Michael: 

And I can set no go zones. And it’s actually started color coding the rooms because it’s kind of figured out at least where the walls are. It really has no clue where the furniture is at this point, but that’s fine.

Meredith: 

Yeah, you’ll teach it.

Michael: 

Yeah It’ll, it’ll learn, but I’m named mine queen clean, so Good job.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I like that. Okay, so I asked folks to rescind some questions. You know who sent in the first question Britney Spears. No, okay, but close.

Michael: 

Okay.

Meredith: 

Um, she is a dear friend of ours and danced with Britney Spears’ sister the past two weeks on Dancing with the Stars.

Michael: 

Oh.

Meredith: 

Yeah, jamie Lynn Spears was on Dancing with the Spurs.

Michael: 

I didn’t know that. And and. And. Ariana Maddox danced with Jamie Lynn Spears.

Meredith: 

Not like at the same time. Oh okay, Like in the same building within the same hour.

Michael: 

It wasn’t like a ladies jive and they just both just went at it together Like side by side in bunny outfits.

Meredith: 

Just a cute little emoji dance. Yeah, Um, no, the first question Ariana has for us what’s your wildest Sanford Street memory?

Michael: 

Oh gosh, that’s a good one.

Meredith: 

So for context, yes, like in St Augustine, sanford Street was like where 90% of the theater majors lived. It was just a few blocks from the theater and Michael lived in one of the prime party.

Michael: 

I mean Sanford Street’s still there. It didn’t go anywhere, it’s just it’s just it was only during those three years, probably, that it was all. Like all theater majors, ariana lived on the street, you lived on the street. You lived on the street.

Meredith: 

I didn’t live on the street.

Michael: 

Well, I lived on the street for one summer. For one summer.

Meredith: 

yes, yeah, yeah, but Whitney was there, mm-hmm, because she lived in those townhouses they built at the end, which I bet have fallen down at this point. That’s right.

Michael: 

Yeah, I remember when I was here with Whitney I was like, yeah, that’s right.

Meredith: 

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Michael: 

There was a horse stables out back, yeah, which was bizarre because you’re in the middle of town, but they were the horses that draw the buggies that go around St Augustine.

Meredith: 

So that’s why it makes sense. I mean, I know what my wildest Sanford Street memory is.

Michael: 

Okay, there’s a few different things. So first of all, my most embarrassing moment. So there’s like I can put it in a bunch of different categories. Okay, sanford Street. That house in Sanford Street, 42 Sanford Street, is definitely haunted. Like it is haunted, no question. The first week that we moved in there we decided to play Mannhunt, which is like hide and go seek, but you turn you like completely, turn all the lights out, you turn the circuit breaker off, so no one could even turn on a light if they wanted to, you know. And then we all go hide in the house. And it was shortly after we moved in there and someone said so. Someone actually went into the backyard and hid in the shed, which was like, yeah, I never went in that shed. That shed was great, like I’m not talking about. I don’t think that shed had ghosts in it, I think it had snakes galore. So I would have never done that. And, oh, and they never mowed the backyard, so it was super tall grass, it was just, it was just a snake haven. But anyway, someone hid in the back, in the backyard, in the shed, and then another person I forget who it was, might have been Patrick, rest in peace. I believe he said that he was hiding in the attic and he saw out the window that the person ran across the backyard into the shed, but there were no windows in the attic, so that was super creepy, wait he said that he, patrick, was in the attic. He was hiding in the attic and he said that there was a big picture window in the attic and he looked, it was overlooked the backyard. And that’s when he saw this person hide in the shed and there was no windows. Like to the point that, like when we turned the power back on, we took him back up into the attic and we were like, look, there’s no windows.

Meredith: 

So he like saw a window that didn’t exist.

Michael: 

Exactly what I know. Bizarre, right, but like, the less it makes sense, probably the more real of like yeah, it was. It was weird. I found a hidden room underneath the stairs, remember. So there was actually a false wall in my closet, so my closet was already under the stairs, but then there was an even further part under the stairs and there was a false wall and it creeped me out so bad that, like immediately when I found it, I was like, oh, there’s a room that I didn’t know was there. That’s cool. And I just put the wall back up and I was like, no, I would go to bed with certain. So the wiring was probably really bad and maybe this has something to do with it, but I would. I would go to bed with the, with the fan off and the lights off, and I would wake up in the middle of the night and the fan would turn on and the lights would turn on.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I remember that.

Michael: 

Or I would go to the bed. Go to bed with the fan on Really creepy I would go to bed with. I always like it’s just an OCD thing for me, I always close the closet door of whatever room I’m sleeping in, period. And I would wake up to that closet door, open a lot, yeah pictures falling off the walls, me during finals week, one time actually seeing a ghost, but I was kind of half asleep, half awake. So it was that that weird state that they say you can see things, yeah, and yeah so so that’s one of the wildest stories. Also, the attic had three locks from the outside, and I’m not talking about key locks, because a key lock makes sense, right? You, you, you put a key lock on the outside of your attic door and if only you have the key, then then only you can get the things that are inside. But this had a slide lock on the outside of the attic door and it had a deadbolt on the outside including a key, a key lock, and so it was actually locking something in the attic.

Meredith: 

It’s wild. I’m looking at the street view of it right now and like it was bought in 2009. And it’s just like it’s totally different right now, Is it yeah?

Michael: 

Like it’s still probably haunted AF though.

Meredith: 

Oh, of course. It’s like they put solar panels on the roof.

Michael: 

Meredith, this is our Halloween episode. I just realized that this is totally apropos, like this is yeah.

Meredith: 

I know, I know it’s painted like a buttercream yellow, with like.

Michael: 

I did go there a couple years ago and I saw the buttercream yellow.

Meredith: 

Yeah, and like cerulean doors and there’s like a Bronco in the driveway, but it was sold in 2009 and they’re saying it’s approximately worth $628,000.

Michael: 

Okay.

Meredith: 

It was built in 1900 and it says beautiful lady in need of a facelift five bedroom, two bath and a nice lot in the heart of downtown.

Michael: 

So it’s for sale right now. No, that was the listing back in.

Meredith: 

Yeah, if you go to the listing, which I’ll put in the show notes if anybody wants to take a look at it, it’s beautiful lady. Yeah, it’s. It looks like it did when you live there in the listing.

Michael: 

So I mean, how long did people we know stay there Like I think after, after we all moved out, that was kind of it. So I think, so, I think three, three and a half years through 2007.

Meredith: 

I mean we just had the wildest parties there, Like that’s where all the theater parties were. Yeah.

Michael: 

The parties were nuts. I remember like so we had a Halloween every year. We had a Halloween party, yeah, costume party, and people liked to show up not in costume and that’s just not allowed, that’s never allowed. So I remember telling these straight boys at the door I was like, if you are not in a costume, you have to strip down to your underwear. And they did. And I was like, well, score that. I was like I’m not complaining there, you can come right on in.

Meredith: 

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I got that’s. That’s where I would get my messiest. I think One of those Halloween parties you saved me from random straight boys that showed up.

Michael: 

Right.

Meredith: 

Because I went and fell asleep in your bed because I was so drunk. And thankfully I was dressed. I was dressed as Mrs Incredible that night. I had so many layers of like dance pants and lead, tart on that like a heterosexual man could never Skin tight, skin tight, it was skin tight, but there were so many layers that they wouldn’t know how to get through, but they wouldn’t.

Michael: 

But I think, at the very least, these boys were going to do something stupid. Like one gets like on your back and the other one takes a picture, you know what I mean. Like they were going to, they were up to no good somehow and I just I don’t know. And they weren’t in costume, which again I’m like how did they get past? How did they get in if they didn’t even have? I didn’t? Know them, and I was just like y’all got to go, Nope. Out out, out, out.

Meredith: 

And then I was. I was a Republican another year I came dressed as a Republican.

Michael: 

I went, as I think did we do together, Cause I went as one one year as well.

Meredith: 

Yeah, we must have been together.

Michael: 

Cause, that’s funny.

Meredith: 

Yep, I need you to. There would have been at least one more Halloween there, but I don’t remember my costume that year but I remember what I was all those years.

Michael: 

Yeah, I know, I know. Yeah.

Meredith: 

Okay, next question. The rest of them are like, honestly, kind of for you.

Michael: 

So I don’t have any.

Meredith: 

I don’t have anything else to answer really. And then somebody named Ma Rof M-A-R-O-F-E.

Michael: 

Do you know who that is? That’s the dude in Turkey. Yeah.

Meredith: 

Oh, okay, so he says so. Uh, so a friend of yours. I wrote in and asked how did both sides of the families react when you told them? So I can just say from my side um, you know, my mom I don’t remember exactly I know I was nervous about telling her that this was what I wanted to do, but I don’t, I don’t know if I just kind of like gently joked about it and then but she, as we described in the episode where I was with her, like she’s happy about it, so it wasn’t a big deal. And then I shared with my brother and sister-in-law and I thought that they would be kind of excited about it and they reacted sort of like uh, okay, um, congratulations, I guess. And I was like oh, I thought you’d be like excited, but it was really weird. That was actually a big letdown for me because it felt like a really big piece of information, a huge decision that I’d made, and they just kind of traded it like oh okay, that’s just Meredith making another wild decision again, or we’ve already did that with like tell us something interesting. Well, and then next week she told me she was pregnant with the baby that was just born last week and I was like she was going to tell you during that conversation no, then I asked her, I said it’s that. Did you know? When I told you she goes, no, no, I didn’t and I was like oh okay, so still just kind of a disappointing response. But it wasn’t the only disappointing response I’ve gotten. I’ve gotten it from other people too who are just kind of like they don’t totally understand. And then when I explain it further and then they see us together, they’re like oh okay, yeah, and I think some people just think it’s a joke and I’m like no, it’s not a joke.

Michael: 

So, yeah, so with my family, I told my sister, but I waited a long time to tell my family, so I told my sister right before this podcast was coming out, Because I know that she follows everything that you do and is always interested in your stuff, hi, Alex. And I knew that she would like that. You know, if she saw that you were doing a podcast, she’d probably want to listen to it and I would need to explain some things. And, yeah, and I also told my brother and I think the reaction from both of them was like oh yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yep. That was pretty much your brother had a very touching message. He did yeah, I’d have to find it. I don’t remember.

Meredith: 

You don’t have to read it, but you know it’s personal enough that I’m like yeah.

Michael: 

It was very supportive. I did not tell my mom or my dad.

Meredith: 

Oh, your dad still doesn’t know.

Michael: 

No, he does know, but I didn’t tell him. So yeah, so I’ll explain that in a sec. But I had told other people around the same age as my parents and it was not well received. I’ll tell you, the main thing is I don’t think anyone has a problem with the fact that that you know I want to donate sperm to someone who would like to have it. They have a problem with the fact that I would at all be involved in the child’s life. But not be dead, not be every day they’re caring for you dad, and that is yeah, and I think it’s. I think it’s more difficult for people that have lived a lot more years with a specific definition of what family is. I think, also, the the opinion of it may also be shaped by, maybe, some people that felt like their own husbands weren’t really there for their kids. You know what I mean. And so then they, and so then they’re maybe a little bit more willing to see this as like, oh, another instance of like, a man not wanting to, like, take full responsibility for the child, or whatever. I don’t know. Those are all speculations, yeah, but anyway. So my, my sister, so my dad drove up just about a month ago I don’t think I told you the story because it was during all my wild and craziness, but my sister and my sister-in-law, alex and Lacey, they both have birthdays three days apart. So so my dad and my stepmom and my aunt and uncle from California the ones you’ve you’ve never met them. No, they’re on my dad’s side and they live in California. They, they all. So they were down visiting my dad and then my dad drove up to Orlando to meet with all them and it got brought up during dinner.

Meredith: 

Great time.

Michael: 

Yeah, to like my sister is telling me this like very nonchalantly, and I’m like, oh, at dinner, to like around my aunt from California that hasn’t seen me in decades, first of all. And then also like there’s like nine people at this table, she’s like, well, none of the kids were there, it was just the grownups. But still there’s like nine people at the table. And then this gets and then this gets, and you’re not there yeah. And I’m and I’m not there, and my I’m pretty sure my dad and my stepmom took it really well, like they were. They were generally like supportive, they were like, ok, cool, I was expecting. I was actually expecting because I was expecting because of their ages. I was expecting to hear that they found it bizarre or troubling or problematic in some way, but they they, according to my sister, they took it really well and it was understood. I don’t know what my mom knows, if she knows anything about us doing this. Right, I certainly haven’t told her. And my sister says she hasn’t told her. And my brother doesn’t talk to my mom all that often. So, and also, like my brother, just never, if you ever need a secret, kept tell him, because he just doesn’t. It is the best people to tell secrets to are the people that just generally don’t talk, right, you know what I mean. It’s not like, oh, they don’t talk about your business. No, there are some people out there that just prefer not to just sit there and gab.

Meredith: 

Yeah, yeah, you’re going through a rough patch with your mom right now.

Michael: 

Yeah, we’re going. We’re going through a rough patch. It’s been a while since. Since we’ve talked, we are taking some space with each other. I don’t know how much of it is both of our choices or how much of it is, you know, but we have a lot of space in between us right now. Yeah, and for me it’s going to sound awful, but for me it’s been a good thing. In the last year I have, I mean, everything. Everything has changed for me. I changed jobs. I quit a job of 10 years and started a new job. I moved out of Alaska, which is is I mean, that’s not the same as, like, I moved out of Virginia and now I live in Denver. You know what I mean. It is way harder to move out, to move in or out of Alaska. It’s yeah crazy.

Meredith: 

It’s a real lifestyle choice. Yes, like more than I mean, because I would say that for me, moving to Los Angeles was a real, like lifestyle choice.

Michael: 

Oh yeah.

Meredith: 

But there is something about Alaska that is so uniquely like that and coming in or out of it yeah, I can see how that’s.

Michael: 

And it’s. It’s very expensive. It’s very difficult with the logistics of trying to figure out you know what, what, yeah, so anyway, yeah, and then. And then you know, just recently I started seeing someone and the relationship is we’re going on like about two months now and my typical track record is about two weeks with a person. I will say that so I don’t know what’s going to come of it. We’re not like we’re still taking it slow. It’s not nothing’s official or anything but like for me personally, two months is is quite a long time to not have something completely blow up.

Meredith: 

Well two months is exactly when it blows up for me, so yeah, Godspeed yes, before we. I want to talk about your relationship more, but before we get that to somebody did ask if your parents will be considered grandparents to the child. And that’s a really good question. Yeah, it’s not something that we’ve really talked about, but from my perspective, yeah, like yes, and I mean I have loved your mother dearly, like she’s been family to me too and I haven’t seen her in a while. And I do understand that there have been some challenges lately and stuff, but it’s not my desire for this child to not know. Like obviously they’re going to know who their father is Like, and I very much want for all of your nieces and nephews to be cousins and, yes, like I still would hope for there to be family gatherings and stuff like that. Like that’s why I’m doing it this way is because I wanted to be a part of that and you know, I know everything that comes with your family.

Michael: 

I have been embroiled in it.

Meredith: 

So I know the, the, the highs and lows and pros and cons. So yeah, that to me they’re going to be family like.

Michael: 

Yeah, my family like to explain it, it is my family is a wild ride, and but what I’ve appreciated about my family is it’s all of the emotions all at once. We feel everything and everything is worn on the outside. So my upbringing was screaming and crying and fighting and throwing things and hugging and loving each other. It’s hot blooded, yeah it was. It was just everything all at once. And it’s funny because a lot of the people that I’ve dated when I and I don’t know if it’s just generally what the type of people that are attracted to me, the type of people that are attracted to me or that I’m attracted to but when they describe their upbringings to me, they describe like households where, like, if someone was mad, you just kept it inside and you just didn’t talk about it. Yeah Well, we had.

Meredith: 

we had. It was kind of like don’t talk about your feelings, yeah, except that like it also could get really loud. So like it feels like the explosions were not ever about feelings. It was about something superfluous.

Michael: 

Did you ever meet my cat, alma, before she died? Yeah, she was the loudest cat. Everyone would come over and they would be like I have never heard a cat that loud in my life.

Meredith: 

She, that’s what she had to do to survive, she had to.

Michael: 

She was never going to get fed unless she could be louder than all of us. Yeah, yeah so so you and I did talk about that once briefly, in the very beginning, and I said this to you. I said I may not want to be dad, but I know my mom will have to be grandma. She will have to. My mom will not have it any other way. And I do, and I do. I would love for my mom to have a relationship with this baby. I would love for her to have a relationship with you. I would love for her to.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I don’t think that I necessarily have to be involved in order for her to be involved in but we’ve also had conversations since then of kind of like you don’t want to be dad in the way that society is, you know, but we’ve talked about your involvement and how you obviously are going to be involved. Just not. You know you’re not here for school pickup and stuff, but right. That doesn’t mean you know I am totally down for frequent face times and family vacations.

Michael: 

Exactly, exactly, and in my mind, and what I mean by that is like if you’re in Florida and my mom wants to come see the kid, like, I’m totally fine with that. I don’t think that I have to be there or I have to be a go between in order for anyone in my family to have a relationship with you.

Meredith: 

Oh yeah, absolutely not yeah.

Michael: 

Even your nieces and nephews, like I wish you know. We’ve talked about that before. I wish that there was a connection where I didn’t have to be there in order for them to hang out.

Meredith: 

Except you and I are the connectors for everybody. We’re the ones who make the plans.

Michael: 

We’re the ones who set up the play dates. Last year, so I always so we do a friendsgiving every year. Alaska is kind of a crazy place. I’ll bet LA is very similar. Almost everyone that lives there is from somewhere else.

Meredith: 

Yeah, so LA is very that.

Michael: 

Yeah, and almost none of us have family anywhere near Alaska like nowhere even close. So we do a big friendsgiving every year and last year like 80% of the people. So we said introduce yourself and say how you know, like why you’re here, how you know people.

Meredith: 

Yeah, the house or whatever.

Michael: 

Yeah, the Thanksgiving wasn’t even at my house, but everyone was like I’m here because Michael invited. It was almost everyone we know people.

Meredith: 

We just get to know people. So actually I do have a question. Somebody asked me what was your 100% yes moment that you wanted Michael as the baddie daddy, but I think they meant baby daddy. There wasn’t. I didn’t think of anything else. Like I’m going to do this with you and if it doesn’t work I will adopt, but I don’t want to like there wasn’t, there are, there are. I have a lineup of other friends that I’ve thought of, but like your priority number one, because, like our families are so intertwined and I mean honestly, a big part of it is that my dad loved you so much that, like coming making this decision, coming out of grief, it’s really important to me to have some kind of connection. I don’t want to say like an approval, because I’m going to do what I want to do regardless, but just knowing that there is like this heavenly blessing upon me in some way, shape or form, like it just feels, feels right, and if you said no, I would have gone to the other two gentlemen that I have in mind, but like that was, it was, it’s always been you Michael.

Michael: 

I thought you were gonna say something like you know, when he almost passed out in Ikea and then and then threw up in the bathroom. I just knew.

Meredith: 

You know, it was that time we were at all stars and he got his ID confiscated.

Michael: 

Oh my god.

Meredith: 

And then I had to carry him back to a home previously owned by Al Capone and he threw up all over my friends bathroom and broke her sink.

Michael: 

Yep.

Meredith: 

As I was putting that carpet full of throw-up in the trunk of my car, I said I think, I think I would like to clean up the vomit of his spawn.

Michael: 

Yes.

Meredith: 

I think I would like to do that.

Michael: 

Yeah, absolutely. By the way, who was the third person that was with us? There was someone else that was with us that night. That was it was while we were with babysitting two of us, oh, and some other girl was like super drunk and I couldn’t remember. Oh my god, I can’t remember her name?

Meredith: 

I can’t remember her name. We worked at the cafe together.

Michael: 

Oh, okay, gotcha All right.

Meredith: 

And it was Lindsay’s house.

Michael: 

Yeah, but it was some other girl, and the only part about that I remember is she was also.

Meredith: 

I can see her face.

Michael: 

She was also throwing up in the toilet and you said at one point you realized her arm was also in the toilet that she was throwing up in.

Meredith: 

And I hadn’t had anything. I was sober because rest in peace Patrick that we spoke about earlier, who unfortunately passed away.

Michael: 

Oh my god, 15 years ago. No, it’s, almost more.

Meredith: 

it’s 15 years ago, it’s 2007. He was in town and I had gone to Forever 21 and bought a totally new outfit to impress him with Smoking hot, smoking hot in some like black, like with like pink pinstripes, and then like a like a black, like a going out top is what us millennials call them and then heels, and I was like I’m gonna look so cute, I’m driving up to this bar that he’s at in Jacksonville tonight and I’m gonna look so good. But first we’ll stop at All Stars and Michael can have a drink or two and then I will drive him up to Jacksonville and All Stars wasn’t, was in town, and I, yeah, I remember this.

Michael: 

So we were gonna stop at this one place in town that was walking distance from the house we were at and then drive to Jacksonville. Yes, jacksonville, never we never happened.

Meredith: 

It never happened, no, but I did have to carry it. Like you were so drunk at one point, like I kind of like half piggybacked you, it was not fun. Yeah, I remember, yeah, you were you were like, I do it again too small.

Michael: 

I can’t do this.

Meredith: 

It was a lot smaller than I am now too. Okay, so we’re winding down on questions here. Okay, but somebody did ask just Michael have a partner, and if so, what does he think about the plan?

Michael: 

Oh, I do not have a partner. I am, so I would. So I would say, right now I’m dating someone, but it’s in that awkward phase because it’s it’s very new and so we’re not. There’s no labels on it yet actually. So yesterday we went on a little road trip down to Oregon and back and he we listened to the podcast the whole way oh yeah, because he knew that this was something that we did, but he didn’t hadn’t heard, yeah, any anything about it. And yeah, I think, if, if I actually had a partner, I think there would be maybe more, more of a reaction and there would actually be, you know, like opinions. But I think when you just first start dating someone, they’re like oh, you know, I’m joining this person on their journey and they’re already on this journey.

Meredith: 

Yeah.

Michael: 

And I’m not going to change his mind at this point. So, yeah, I can just. I can just go with it and clearly, if it was too much for him and he didn’t want to be a part of that or anything, he would have made that known you know, and yeah, literally the only thing, the only thing negative he had to say about the podcast was he was like I have heard the word vagina so many times. Yes, yes, you have. I was like listen, if you don’t want to hear the word vagina, this is not the podcast for you.

Meredith: 

I don’t have. I said vagina that many times.

Michael: 

It was also semen. You said semen.

Meredith: 

I feel like I’ve said semen more than vagina.

Michael: 

Yeah, or maybe you didn’t say vagina, maybe it was some other word that you used, I don’t know. But anyway, female anatomy.

Meredith: 

Yeah, uterine I UI intrauterine cervix. Yeah, let me just blow it up now, womb.

Michael: 

Right Lobby and tubes. Yeah.

Meredith: 

You know, yeah.

Michael: 

You actually haven’t talked about the vulva yet.

Meredith: 

Yeah, there’s really no need to talk about the vulva yet.

Michael: 

Right, oh, look at there.

Meredith: 

Yeah, look at there, so yeah, it’s a funny though, because like for me too, because obviously like I’m not in a relationship, but I had a I was at an event and I met somebody and we were kind of flirty and it was so freeing because normally I’m all caught up in like, oh my God, do I like this guy? Is this guy marriage materialist? Do I want to talk to this person? Do I want to waste my time talking to this person? Should I tell this person like all of my funny stories now, or should I save it, or should I show that I’m interested? Is that going to be too much? And it was, like really nice, because I was like I’ve already decided what I’m doing, like the big, huge decision I’m making in my life I have made and I’m confident in it and I’m really excited about it. And if somebody else joins, okay, cool. You know there is then, of course, the like, added stress of like is this a person I want around my child? Sure, yeah. But in terms of just like I usually put so much stress on that like, oh God, like even the first one hour that you’ve met somebody I put so much time into, like well, what’s her last name? That’s not good with me. Well, where are they from? Do I want to spend holidays there? And like I don’t care, this is like.

Michael: 

this is a Capricorn thing. Does he look like he is at least doing the percent to his 401k that his company matches?

Meredith: 

Well, there was at one point this guy that I was like. I was like excited about he met somebody and grabbed somebody else in our group and was like, hey, they work at Disney. Didn’t you want to meet somebody who worked there? And I was like, oh, he could be good at networking. Exactly what my brain thought, because I mean, you’ve seen kind of events I go to. I need somebody who’s got like eagle eyes for that sort of.

Michael: 

Thing.

Meredith: 

And I was like, oh, he’s good at that and he’s really attractive he’s. I can see I could put him out this like for feelers Again, even though I’m like, oh, there’s no pressure, my Capricorn brain can’t stop. I feel like I’ve said Capricorn more than I’ve said vagina. But yeah, it’s interesting when you take a certain pressure away from a situation, how it like affects everything. There’s so much other stuff in my life where I’m like I just don’t care because I’ve made the big decision that I want to make and yeah it’s like, it feels like my life’s focus, all kind of zoom into this one spot.

Michael: 

So and it’s so funny because, you know, they say and I I am not repeating this because I believe in it, I don’t believe in this. But people say all the time you’re going to find the one when you’re not looking for it, which is like, oh, come on, because I’ve gone through life plenty of times not looking for it and not no one’s. No one great has come along and looking for it and still nothing. But I. But I will say there is something to be said about the fact that, like so you were talking about, like that, all that pressures off of you. And then for the, for the first time, I was like I need to take up like a break from dating anyone right now, because I just started a new job and I need to move from Alaska to Washington, and so I’m not. And also, when I get there, I want to like start a social life and yeah, and so there’s really no room for anyone in my life right now. And then that’s when it’s like someone comes along and I’m like, ok, do I let this, do I let this pass me by and then regret it later, or do I just go for it? And I’m like whatever.

Meredith: 

I mean, look, if you found somebody who is willing to to like there’s so many guys that I’ve met and I’ve been like I’m not asking for a relationship, I’m just saying like let’s keep talking and see what’s going on.

Michael: 

Yes.

Meredith: 

Like see where it could go, and it’s always at that two month mark. I’m like, so, like I want to keep doing this. I like what’s happening here and I just kind of want to do a little bit more of the same. And that’s when they’re like you’re too good for me, and then they run in the other direction. So I mean, if you found somebody who wants to like just gently keep getting to know you.

Michael: 

It will. And you know it’s funny, and this is my Capricornism too. It was a conversation we had yesterday. I was like so, probably in the near future, probably within the next couple of months, I’m going to want to take this to the next level. So are you OK with me coming along and saying, ok, it’s been a while, maybe we do take this to the next level? And he was like, yes, I would probably be OK with that in the future.

Meredith: 

What’s his sign? What’s his sign?

Michael: 

Gemini, wow. But here’s the weird thing. I need to figure out the other two, because nothing, I’m not getting any Gemini from him, unless he is literally only showing me the one side. To him, that is like the good side.

Meredith: 

What about his rising sign?

Michael: 

Right, that’s the thing I need to do. His whole structure.

Meredith: 

You got to get the rising sign.

Michael: 

So I’ll do it tonight when he’s at a video game Party. I didn’t even know those existed.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I guess so.

Michael: 

Because he was like, do you want to come over to my friend’s house for game night? And I was like, oh, I love game night, let’s do it. And he was like, oh, ok, cool, so-and-so, just got Mario Kart. And I was like for game, wait, are you talking about video games? And he’s like, yeah. I was like, oh, you mean video game night?

Meredith: 

Well, you can do the multiplayer modes right. Yeah, yeah.

Michael: 

I just didn’t, but I just didn’t know that video game night was a thing. Anyway, regardless, yeah, I need to figure out the other two because I’m definitely getting Taurus energy off of this guy, that’s I’m Taurus rising. Yeah, and that’s why you are such a Susie homemaker, that’s why you are just so. You are so good in a house that’s a little bit of a fixer upper that you can just-.

Meredith: 

A pretty lady that needs a facelift.

Michael: 

A pretty lady that needs a facelift. Yeah, but it’s so. Yeah, that’s very, very Taurus of you.

Meredith: 

And you’re stubborn yeah.

Michael: 

Well, and then I’m.

Meredith: 

Scorpio moon. So I’m like I feel so deep.

Michael: 

Well, you’re also a little firecracker.

Meredith: 

Yeah, but not a lot of people see that firecracker part. You got to like any Scorpio, you got to kind of like, you got to get in there.

Michael: 

Yeah, you got to break through my Capricorn shit. Yeah.

Meredith: 

You have to break through the Taurus shit and then you get Scorpio madness.

Michael: 

Yeah, and I am Gemini rising, which is also why, like you know, which is why, like, I understand it, but it’s a lot of the Gemini rising part about me is like a lot of the stuff that I dislike about myself. You know what I mean. Like I wish, like when I hear that there’s like drama, I wish I didn’t want to know everything. I don’t want to be involved, but I want to know everything that’s going on. Yeah, you know, yeah, and I wish I didn’t.

Meredith: 

I have a friend who’s an astrologer. Maybe I’ll bring her on and she can do like both of our charts together. That would be really cute to see.

Michael: 

That would be wonderful.

Meredith: 

Yeah.

Michael: 

I would love that. I know, when it comes to friends, capricorns generally get along with other Capricorns, yeah, and then, for some reason, cancers. Even though it doesn’t seem like that would work, it really works Like they couple each other really well.

Meredith: 

Yeah, again to bring her up on the podcast again. Ariana, yeah. Yeah, she’s going to come on at some point. I’ve been like when can you get on? She was like maybe on a day where I only have rehearsals, because obviously she is booked in this thing, multiple jobs, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Great. Well, I’m going to let you go back to Unpacking Box is my friend.

Michael: 

Thank you. I want to say one more thing. So I made him listen to the Nerdle episode, the 15 minute. So this was his response. I was expecting like oh my god, that was so funny. And he was like that’s y’all’s sense of humor. And I was like yeah, it hasn’t evolved much past middle school and that’s why we get along so well. And he was like OK.

Meredith: 

Yeah, but I think it’s so deeply interwoven into who we are though it is Like listen, without poop jokes, we’re like nothing.

Michael: 

I mean, I was thinking back to when I used to pool at your pool. Remember when I would go pool there sometimes and we’re joking about pooping in the pool. I mean, that’s just who we are.

Meredith: 

We didn’t do it.

Michael: 

We always will be. We never did.

Meredith: 

Wait, you know what? We can’t end this podcast without talking about poop a little bit. Yeah, they call I mean I don’t know if it’s all pools or if it’s just Disney water parks, but if somebody poops in the pool it’s called an AFR.

Michael: 

OK.

Meredith: 

An accidental fecal release.

Michael: 

Oh my gosh.

Meredith: 

And then they have to pull everybody out and clean out the pool.

Michael: 

Listen, listen. If I’m ever talking about sharting around someone who is like that’s inappropriate, I will be like sorry.

Meredith: 

Good day to you, madam.

Michael: 

I meant that I mistrusted a fart and actually accidentally had an AFR.

Meredith: 

My dad at the end. He, you know, bodily functions were failing.

Michael: 

Sure.

Meredith: 

And he’d be like I have to go to the bathroom and my mom would be like Bob, you just went to the bathroom and he goes. I can’t fart with confidence. Always our joke. You have to laugh about this stuff at the end Like you have to laugh about it. You don’t laugh, you cry, yeah, yeah and so then that was the thing of like farting with confidence.

Michael: 

So yeah, yeah. Farting with confidence, accidental fecal releases this is stuff I could never talk about on this podcast with anybody but you, father to my future child, and I can think of no better way to end the podcast than on an AFR.

Meredith: 

There it is. Thanks for coming back on this week, my friend.

Michael: 

Well, thanks so much for having me.

Meredith: 

Anytime, bye Marvin. The backup plan was created, produced and hosted by me, Meredith Cape. Julian Hageins is my co-producer. You can find us on social media at backupplanpod. The best place to get updates is to sign up for our newsletter at backupplanpodcom, where we also post all episodes, show notes and transcripts. Thank you for listening.

DIY ICI

I am not a medical professional. If you’re contemplating going this route, definitely speak with your doctor.

We’re giving Mosie Baby a go this time, but the steps I’ve followed in the past are:

  1. Test to make sure you’re ovulating
  2. Lube up with Pre-Seed
  3. Hand your pal a cup
  4. Transfer what you need into a syringe
  5. Keep it all in with a menstrual disc
  6. Sterilize that sucker when you’re done!

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