6: Baby’s First Vanderpump Rules Binge (w/ Shaina Goelman)

September 13, 2023

Description

Meet Shaina Goelman, a brand new solo mom and licensed marriage and family therapist living in the suburbs of Los Angeles. The gals chat about dating in LA, how they each came to the decision to have kids on their own, and Shaina shares tips with Meredith on conception, pregnancy, and how to overcome the hurdles of postpartum with the assistance of Vanderpump Rules.

Transcript

Meredith: 

Happy hump day, my friends. It’s Wednesday, so it’s time for another episode of the backup plan. My name is Meredith Kate and I am being attacked by my cat currently. Can you hear him purring? He’s small but mighty. Anyway, glad for you to come back If you haven’t listened before. I am going to be having a baby with my gay best friend. We are currently in the phase of trying to figure out when that’s going to happen next. Do you hear that he’s attacking the notebook? Hold on, I’m going to have to put him away. Anyway, it’s Wednesday, so it’s time for an update on my conception pathway. I hate saying journey over and over again. It feels so beige. The next step in the process is that I have reached out to a bunch of sperm banks. But then I sat down with a calendar, and that’s what’s most important. Right, it’s the calendar because there are certain times of the month where we can do things and certain times of the month where doing things doesn’t yield anything. I have a lot of travel coming up. I’m going to be traveling for work next week. I’m going to be traveling for pleasure next week. Then I’ve got a huge project at work which, if it gets approved, means that after my three-week travel in Europe over the holidays which sounds as bougie as I want it to sound I may be doing another week and a half in another country on that side of the world for work and then spending up to six weeks in that country later in 2024. Because I’m going to be traveling for a long length of time, perhaps that six-month sperm quarantine that some fertility clinics and sperm banks require maybe it’s not so bad, maybe that’s fine. There are only two windows of opportunity in October and November for Michael and I to try again, perhaps in a DIY method. It’s not what I wanted to do, but we don’t get everything we want in this life. What do I want more? A baby or to conceive in a pretty clinic? I think I want the baby a little bit more. I think we’re going to be doing the DIY thing again. I’m in the process of figuring out where that’s going to take place in October, where it’s going to take place in November, because Michael’s moving in October. He has some personal travel coming up. So every day I’m making a little bit of progress. It’s not always the amount of progress I’d like to make, but at least it’s forward motion. That is the update on my uterus and ovulation and anything you could possibly want to know about my reproductive system Much more than I ever thought I’d be comfortable sharing. But here we are. Whatever, for this week’s episode, I am excited to bring to you Shayna Goldman. I started this podcast for a number of reasons. I wanted to document my experience, to offer a resource to women who were in my position A little bit of a side hustle, a little bit of a hobby. I also wanted to meet friends. I wanted to meet people who were in the same boat that I am. The first person to reach out to me was Shayna. When I checked out her Instagram, I saw that she was living a very similar lifestyle in that her mom is all over her Instagram. She’s helping her raise her son, zeke. She’s very fortunate in that she has her dad around. Still, I just felt a sort of familial warmth that was familiar to what I grew up with. I called her up and I said hey, I see your mom’s around all the time. My mom is here. The four of us get together and went and had lunch at a little diner in Studio City. It was really nice. Everybody got along. I just feel like I have made a friend that’s going to be sticking around for a little bit, which feels nice. It’s really good. I will warn you, in this episode there is talk of Vanderpump Rules because Shayna found my podcast because she follows my friend Ariana. That’s correct. I’m friends with Ariana Maddox, who is one of the leading cast members on the show Vanderpump Rules. It was a part of a really big scandal that happened this year. She was thrust into the scandal but you’ll hear a little bit of scant of all talk because I was at the center but on the fringes, if that makes sense. I orchestrated a lot of planning and making sure that Ariana was taken care of after everything happened. I’m also not somebody who is rushing to get in front of a camera or hoping to be mic’d up for the show or anything like that, although I was. These are the hazards that come along with making friends with fellow theater nerds in college is that they may go off to star in a reality show. You just never know, life finds way. Anyway, shayna had some really good tips about single motherhood. She’s handling it so marvelously and her son, zeke, is just a true joy. If I may, I think he’s quite advanced. He’s only three months old and he’s just like staring people dead in the eye and smiling and silently laughing. It’s very, very sweet and he’s got such a perfect little round head and blue eyes and I love him. And just so you know, shayna does run her own therapy practice. Information about her practice is going to be in the show notes. She practices in California. She’s looking to get licensed in other states, but you can go to her website as Golemantherapycom, which again listed in the show notes. So if you’re looking for a therapist guys, they’re hard to find and she has a very lovely disposition, so maybe give her a try if you’re looking for somebody new. Anyway, here’s the episode. Thanks for listening and see you next week, since you are the first guest on this podcast who is not somebody that I know intimately. This is fun because you know we’ve only met once, so I feel like I’m going to learn even more about you today. So this is nice. So just give us a quick introduction as to who you are and where you’re at and about your little dude.

Shaina: 

Okay, my name is Shayna Goleman, I’m in Sherman Oaks in the Valley, and I have a three-month-old just almost three-and-a-half-month-old named Zeke, and I’m also a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Meredith: 

I love that, and before that you worked in the entertainment industry too, right?

Shaina: 

I did. I worked in the entertainment industry for eight years a little over that, if you include internships. I interned throughout high school and college and then, about three or four years into my entertainment career, I decided it was not for me and I wanted something a lot more fulfilling and threw a lot of trial and error that led me to go back to school and get my graduate degree. Do you think that?

Meredith: 

changing the trajectory of your career kind of led you to this place that you’re at right now. Do you think that you would have done this if you still worked in the industry, or do you think working in the industry was what led you to this?

Shaina: 

Well, so I had always known that if I was still single and didn’t have a boyfriend or a husband by the time I was 35, this is what I wanted to do. I think part of what I mean. I’m sure there’s a lot of reasons I’m still single, but I think when I worked in entertainment as anyone who works in that industry knows, it’s very 24-7. So I worked a lot and that was really difficult and I was unhappy. So that doesn’t help. And then you know, I was in school. So that was I was in school for three years getting my master’s, so that took up a lot of my time and I was interning a lot and I was really focused on my career in both industries. And so I dated a lot, but not long-term dating at all, and I think part of it was one I was unhappy because of what I worked in or because I was really throwing myself into school and my career, my new career, and I think those always took priority over the other stuff, yeah, yeah, I dating and trying to work, I mean in any industry, but especially in entertainment.

Meredith: 

I felt like I was always trying to get a new job because the one I was in was miserable. And I worked everywhere, from business affairs to being on set to working in adjacent fields doing sales to entertainment companies, and I felt like I was interviewing for a job every one to two years and by the time I’d gotten over interviewing, it was like, okay, now I’m set and I’m happy. Never happy, never quite settled. But then I start dating and I was like, oh my god, this just feels like more job interviews. It really does.

Shaina: 

Dating is the worst. I hate it so much and obviously I only know dating in Los Angeles, but I like to assume it’s worse in most places. Probably New York would be equivalent, but because so many people are like in the industry or wanting to break into the industry and that’s fine, but it can get a little exhausting.

Meredith: 

Yeah, and I think in your 20s too, there’s always the excitement of newness and what’s around the corner and FOMO. And if I get into a relationship here, am I going to miss out on something there? Yeah, and then couple that with the whole. That’s just what LA is like all the time anyway. Exactly so it’s just the absolute perfect storm. And I don’t know about you, but I kept finding myself in many relationships where I would be with somebody for two months at a time and then they’d be like sorry, you’re too good for me and I’m not looking for this, so I just we’re not going to go any further, but it’s always two months. It’s like sometimes I’ll get right to the day too. And they’ll be like oh, let’s get dinner tonight and I’m like, oh no, it’s two months. I’d usually make it to three days, yeah, and that can be two months yeah.

Shaina: 

But then, as I was approaching, you know, like, once I got into my 30s, it was also like, if this person’s not interested in having kids, that’s different than dating in my 20s, where it’s like, well, I still have a lot of time, this person might change their mind. But once I turn 30, it’s like, well, no, you have to want that, or it has to be something that you’re actively considering, for me to even entertain going on a horse date with you, because if it’s not, that’s not something I’m interested in, because I’ve always wanted kids, always.

Meredith: 

Yeah, and I love too, when you, when you’re trying to kind of suss that out, that sometimes you get this reaction from guys of like oh, I don’t know why I’m already talking about and that’s like it’s okay, all right, fine, no, let’s play. So then for a long time I was playing at cool and I was being like cool girl and just totally chill and I don’t know like let’s just get to know each other and I’m like I’m not saying let’s be in a relationship, I’m just saying like let’s keep hanging out, but like hanging out with more frequency and like where we care about each other and we can rely on each other for things. You know, they don’t like that, they’re like no, I’m done, I’m done.

Shaina: 

Well, I also had a lot of guys in their mid to late 30s like, oh, I don’t know if I want kids yet and I’m like, okay, well, I don’t know what to do with that, Because you maybe can have kids for another 40 years. I cannot, so I need you to make up your mind.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I, honest to God, I felt like some sort of a tragic, like Greek demigod or something that was cursed to not find someone who could commit, or I’d find somebody who was like too committed to the point where it’s like you’ve proposed to me three times over text message and we only started talking last week, like I found out. I felt like they were dazzled by this idea that they had of me versus who I actually am and that felt really icky. I didn’t like it.

Shaina: 

Yeah, that’s, that’s icky, but now I have a man in my life. He just happens to be a baby.

Meredith: 

He’s just a. He’s a literal baby, not a figurative one. No, he’s a literal baby. So talk to me a little bit about. You know, this is something that you thought for a while and actually 35 was the number I had in my head to, because that’s how old my mom was when she had me and I was just like, if I hit 35 and I’m not there, I’m going to adopt. That was always my thing and I’ve kind of surprised myself in wanting to do this biologically, I think, just because I’m not going to have a chance beyond this. I guess I want to give it a go. But talk to me a little bit more about when you got to 35 or were approaching 35, did you have any kind of anxiousness about, like, committing to that plan or moving forward on it?

Shaina: 

I had none about as I approached. I was ready, I had a lot going on. I was taking my licensing exam to be a therapist, so I took that the month before my birthday. So I had that in my mind. But I also knew this was happening and I kind of wanted to just take advantage of it. And that’s what I asked for for my birthday from my parents that year was a consultation with a fertility doctor. I don’t think I really had any anxieties about it until I actually started doing it. So after each cycle of IUI and then once I really once I found out I was pregnant, I think that’s when I was like what am I doing? I’m excited about it and I’m so glad I’m doing it, especially once I was actually pregnant, but like what am I doing? That’s really when the anxieties set in. It was less so leading up to actually beginning.

Meredith: 

Right, that’s good, I guess I had. I had such anxiety when I went up and did that first procedure, but it was coupled with other things like going off medications and stuff and I just a full blown anxiety attack. But I think now of like, oh my God, there’s so many more things to have anxiety about along the way. So yes.

Shaina: 

Get comfortable with getting uncomfortable right, very much so it is a very anxiety inducing process, yeah.

Meredith: 

What did your friends think when you brought this to them?

Shaina: 

I actually did not share with a lot of my friends until I had firmly made the decision. So I I’m very close to my family. I had told them this is what I wanted to do. They were hesitant. They weren’t as supportive in the beginning.

Meredith: 

And who is your immediate family unit?

Shaina: 

I have. So I’m very close with my mom, my dad and then I have a younger brother who’s seven years younger than me and all of them were kind of like I don’t know. My brother is one of my best friends. It was very hard for me that he especially wasn’t excited about the idea. But he came around. He actually at the time was living in Michigan for graduate school and he sent me a package with a really nice card and a baby rattle and about and he just apologized for not being excited in the beginning but that he was really excited for it now, when and if it happened. But I was very selective about the people I told and like I told a coworker who was not close with but she just seemed like someone I could share that with. And it wasn’t until about two weeks before my consultation that I started telling friends. So my best friend had come into town. I wanted to tell her in person. I didn’t want to tell her over the phone. She lives on the other side of the country. So she when she came in town I sat her down and told her what I wanted to do and she was so excited for me because she knew it was something I’d always wanted. That must have been nice. It really was. It was a great reaction. And then she actually helped me look through donor profiles and then all my other friends were just as excited. You know, I have a really good close group of friends, and so they knew how much I wanted this and they knew how hard dating had been for me, and so they were excited. I was kind of forging my own path.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I think I would have gone that route at some point in my life of like, really not sharing with as many people. But I think I told you this when we went to lunch the other day or maybe this is new, I don’t know when I had made this decision to go forward and was like this is what I’m doing. That was the time of Scandival and, for the listeners who don’t know, it’s the biggest Bravo scandal of them all, I think.

Shaina: 

Listen, I know there’s been some arrests and stuff in some housewives that were going to jail. I think this is the biggest one, yeah.

Meredith: 

It will take off the highest ratings, like Ariana’s appearance on Andy Cohen was the highest rate at episode ever. I mean they’re nominated for an Emmy now. They’re all related, I know, and so Ariana has been a very close friend of mine for, like you know, a number of years that she probably wouldn’t want me to share, but you can do the math, you know it’s almost 20 years now that we’ve been friends and so I was there, like I was the first person that was at her house when everything happened, the first person to show up, and I was nearly done tapering off of anti depressants at that point and for, like some context, like I’d lost my dad two years prior, the year prior I’d lost my dog, and then this happened and he was somebody I loved truly, like platonically, but truly, and it felt like the death of another person. Do you remember? Yeah, in my life, yeah, and it was really, it was really, really intense, and I ended up crying in front of everybody about it. Emotions were so swirly at that time. And there was this, the first night that, like everybody was there and it was the, the night that he shot with Rachel, were that like really embarrassing thing that took place in her apartment. He came over to the house first and we were all there and it was like a funeral, really, like we were all making food and drinking wine and consoling each other about it. And that night I was just like sobbing and like meeting new people and being like I’m going to try to have a baby alone. I was. I don’t. I don’t know if I would have shared that much with like total strangers if not for what happened that night. But then I just found myself like basically everybody in my life knows I’m doing this and like I’ve really dug myself into a hole if it doesn’t work or if I changed my mind Because now I’ve got thousands of listeners too. But I don’t think I’m going to change my mind about it. I think we’re pretty.

Shaina: 

I think you’re pretty set.

Meredith: 

Yeah, yeah, I’m excited about it, and meeting you and your mom and your baby for lunch the other day was like so great, and seeing the way that your mom is participating is really wonderful too. And you said that she was kind of not fully on board from the get go. But like what’s the situation now?

Shaina: 

Yeah, she wasn’t. And then she came with me to two of my three. I took three IUIs to get pregnant and she came with me to two of my appointments.

Meredith: 

And in the room like when it went in.

Shaina: 

Yeah, wow she was in the room with me when it went in. Now she is. I mean, she’s the best grandma and she loves, loves, loves my son. She has to see him every day and talk and FaceTime with him at least once a day. She’s so supportive. I mean I couldn’t ask. All my whole family, all three, my mom, my dad and my brother are so supportive. I couldn’t ask for better um familial support from them. Yeah.

Meredith: 

And you know, a lot of times I guess the thought I had going into this was that there was going to be some kind of a lack in not having a father figure right Like around. But the friends that I see that are doing this and the people that I’m meeting that are doing this, like you, it’s just the way that the families come together in different ways there’s you know, there’s you, and then you know I’ve become really close with Lala from the Vanderpump as well and the way that her mom and her brother, like even her brother’s friend, are this like little family unit with Ocean, like it’s really beautiful and it’s I think. I think there’s more support than I see in a lot of heterosexual situations.

Shaina: 

Yeah, I would agree. I feel maybe one or two times throughout my pregnancy and in the three months since um EZ, because been here have I felt like it would be nice to have a partner. But really I think what it was is I was overwhelmed and it would have been nice to have like someone from my family just here if he was having a hard time, and that was as easy as me picking up the phone. But I just had my last mommy and me. Today I joined a mommy and me and after hearing these women’s experiences with their husbands, I’m like that I don’t feel as though I’m missing out at all.

Meredith: 

Yeah, no, I, I’m really excited. I feel like my kid is going to have so many different kinds of male influence in their life Because. I have a lot of wonderful men in my life, are most of them homosexual.

Shaina: 

Yes.

Meredith: 

But they might be better than heterosexual ones.

Shaina: 

It was really important to me that he had more people in his life. I mean, my friends love him as well, the ones who have met him, the ones who haven’t, but it was important to me that he also had people that I’m using quotations had to be there for him, and I’m not religious at all and I don’t like the term God-parent, but he has God-parents and it’s because I wanted people that were there for him. So he met his Godfather for the first time yesterday He’d been working out of town, which was amazing, and he has like the best Godmother. So he has so many people in his life outside of me and my direct family that love him and care for him. So he has that community and he has strong men in his life. He has my dad, my brother, his Godfather. He has those people and I don’t think he needs a father to feel that love.

Meredith: 

Yeah, there are so many times when I see relationships like quote unquote, normal heterosexual relationships where it’s like, well, that father is not a good example right now, it’s not somebody that I would want to have my child emulate, even a little bit. So if it’s somebody for me like Michael’s, wonderful and so ambitious and hardworking, and that’s the kind of North Star I want a kid to have, it doesn’t matter if he’s not in the room, 100%.

Shaina: 

Exactly I agree.

Meredith: 

I’m very excited about that. Yeah, when you found out you were having a boy because you found out before you had him right.

Shaina: 

I didn’t. I did not find out until he was boring. Yeah, oh, it was a surprise. Yes, my mom didn’t find out with me or my brother. This was a completely non-traditional pregnancy in every other sense, and so I said I’m not going to. Yeah, my mom only said it’s the biggest surprise you’ll ever have. And she’s right. Yeah, so yeah, I did not find out until he was born, when he was born.

Meredith: 

By the way, I think I want to do that too because, like you said, so much of it is untraditional that there is kind of some little bit of like I don’t know mystique or you can always change your mind and find out, but then once you find out, you can’t change your mind and find out. So I kind of feel like let’s just be surprised. When you had him then and you found out he was a boy mere moments after he came out of you, was there any kind of fear there of oh, it’s a boy and there’s no father figure? I mean when you have father figures, you still have male figures.

Shaina: 

But yeah, Well, to be totally clear, I had an emergency C-section after being in labor for 36 hours. I was really out of it by the time he was born.

Meredith: 

I didn’t even know, so you didn’t find out he was a boy until like four days later, of course, yeah.

Shaina: 

So I didn’t even really had started the C-section. My mom was in there with me and I was like, did they start yet? And three seconds later they announced that he was a boy. But no, I don’t think that I ever had that fear. I mean part of me in throughout my pregnancy really wanted a girl, because I thought it’d be easier to take care of our girls and say, you know, kind of know what’s going on there. But no, I don’t think I ever had that fear and that might change. I mean, there’s definitely things where I’m like, oh my gosh, I have to teach him how to pee standing up, like that’s scary. But other than that, no, I mean it doesn’t, it doesn’t make a difference. I think he’s, I’m raising him the same way I would if he had been a girl.

Meredith: 

I mean, I ask because I feel like people have that question. I’m I agree with you completely, I’m just, you know, playing devil’s advocate here. Of course, and I think, I think you have such an exciting opportunity to to raise a good little dude. Yeah, Like you know, somebody who’s responsible and thoughtful and kind and strong in the way people should be strong, not in the way men should be strong.

Shaina: 

Yeah, I think I have a very huge responsibility actually using a boy to make sure that he respects women and I mean he respects everyone but that he’s just a respectful kid and a respectful man.

Meredith: 

He seems to be very respectful so far.

Shaina: 

He is, he’s respectful and I will tell you that on Sunday he spit up at my mouth. That was a moment Not respectful.

Meredith: 

Not respectful.

Shaina: 

That’s something to look forward to as a mom.

Meredith: 

Well, okay, so on that note then, not the spit up, but like things to look forward to. What advice do you have for me?

Shaina: 

I think my biggest advice in the process of getting pregnant is to be patient, and it’s like the worst advice, so I apologize for it, because I know when people told me to like not be stressed out and relax, that made me more stressed out. But my for, right before my third IUI, was really when I was like because my doctor had told me would probably take three chances, and so I really felt like if it didn’t work that time, I didn’t know what the next steps were going to be, and that was scary. So I really took not not stressing to heart. I had acupuncture five days in a row leading up to it. I got a massage the day before, so I was like really relaxed, and I also, though, refused to give into what if it doesn’t happen. At that point I was like it’s happening, I want this and it’s happening and I’m going to make it happen. So I say like, be patient, but all and realistic. But also, you know this is what you want and so, persevering with that like, if this is what you want, this is what you’re going to get and, as you mentioned, you know if adoption is something that is something you’d consider, then you have that route as well that I hadn’t gotten to that point.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I’ve always the thing that was always important to me, and I mean all the way back to like a teenager, maybe even a kid, I remember thinking to myself I want to be a mom, I don’t have to give birth, I want to be a mother and I’m not concerned if that’s the direction it goes. It’s just more things to learn about, more things to take care of and more lists to write, more spreadsheets to make. But you know I am very practiced at making spreadsheets, so there you go, yeah, so I’d say that.

Shaina: 

And then, in terms of having a baby, I would say, like, lean on all the support you have. I mean I had a really, really tough week with after he was born. I had a lot of postpartum anxiety and I really used my resources. I mean I’m right, I’m lucky that I have a mental health background, so I was able to kind of lean on that. I like reached out to my psychiatrist for help, I reached out to my OBGYN, I reached out to my friends ahead babies. I really leaned on my mom in that first week and that was really helpful and it really inspired me. I’m now really passionate about perinatal mental health and I’m hoping to really grow my private practice with seeing perinatal mental health clients now.

Meredith: 

Yeah, that’s something I have started to look into because I’ll say that’s like when my dad got sick almost five years ago. It was the week Trump got inaugurated.

Shaina: 

Oh geez, it was a time, it’s already a horrible week.

Meredith: 

It was like everything changed. That month, january of 2017 was everything. So when he got inaugurated, when my dad got diagnosed, I started therapy around then and I mean, you know what it’s like when you first start therapy and you’re first like massaging out all the knots and you start finding like weird tangles that you get frustrated and angry about, and I had a lot of time to go through that then. So since then I’ve had I’m on my fourth therapist now because my insurance keeps changing. But I’d also don’t mind that because I feel like, for each different stage that I’ve been in, each therapist has helped me in a different way, in the way that I needed at that time and I just think that there are so many things that I have worked out that you know, when my dad passed away, it was it sucked, it was terrible, but I had done so much work that I needed to do ahead of time. It was like preparing for a marathon sort of, and I’m hoping that in getting into all of this, like I know, there are gonna be highs and lows with my mood and I’m just hoping that all that marathon work that I’ve been doing just keeps contributing.

Shaina: 

Yeah, I mean, yes, therapy is very important. I was the most mentally healthy while I was pregnant. Really, I’ve never felt better. Yes, I also had gone off medication and then I went back on and pregnancy safe medication. That really helped, but I just felt great. I was really. I felt good about like myself. That’s the most confident I felt in my body when I was pregnant and I was just excited. I mean, I definitely was anxious. I had a lot of moments of anxiety being pregnant and it’s scary because you don’t know what’s going on. Yeah, that’s the best I felt.

Meredith: 

I love hearing that, like I feel like so many people they love to focus on, like all of the different ways it sucks when you’re pregnant, but I’m like I know there’s good stories out there. I hear them from time to time.

Shaina: 

Listen, my pregnancy wasn’t like amazing. I had gestational diabetes. I had to take insulin four times a day. It was, you know, it had its rough moments, but it wasn’t that big of a deal compared to how good I felt. I also wasn’t in therapy, which is a very big therapist no, no, every therapist should be in therapy but that week when I got home from the hospital, I got back in therapy as well and I love my therapist now and I got in a postpartum anxiety and depression group that I did for six weeks and really I would also say like build a community of new moms. That’s really helpful because I have my friends and my family who are there for me and care about me, but they’re also not new moms at the same time that. I am. So you know this mommy and me that I just ended was so great, because all of these moms are going through pretty much exactly the same thing. I am you know in terms of like naps and sleep and all that kind of stuff, and so it’s nice to be able to like at midnight someone will send a group chat and someone else is up to respond because we’re all there together and all in the thick of it.

Meredith: 

You know it’s so funny. As soon as I kind of gave in to I am doing this, this is something I wanna do. I started meeting so many moms like they just came to me and you know I had decided I wasn’t gonna do this Scan of all happened and, like one of the gals, that we had a text support chain for Ariana. It was called the Madix Support Team. And one of them – she and I got together for dinner – and everybody orders a drink and she’s like I’ll have a Diet Coke. And I was like Tell Telsen, Hmm, wait a second. I went to the bathroom when I came back and she’s like yeah, I’m just gonna tell you I’m pregnant. I was like they’re all coming to me now, Like they’re all entering my life in these really wonderful ways. So I think, like when you find the alignment that you’re supposed to be in, it all, just it comes together. I agree and I’m so excited to go to all these moms, you included. Yes, For oh God, what the fuck do I do about this?

Shaina: 

Yeah, that’s what. Yes, you need that. You need that and my other. My last piece of advice would be I’m not going back on Vanderpump rules and when I tell you, with no exaggeration, that it truly saved me, I’m not exaggerating at all, like I know it sounds silly, but it really saved me in my first month of postpartum because I had never watched it from the beginning, and then all that stuff happened and so I was like maybe I’ll try it. And I mean like I had it on at three in the morning when I was feeding Zeke, really teaching him the fundamentals. Yes, he now that’s his favorite show. Obviously he has a lot of opinions about everyone. Yeah, but without it I’m not kidding I don’t think I would have as successfully gotten through postpartum, because it was really something that I had to like look forward to, it was something I could put on while I was feeding, like and like I was exhausted, and I still had that Like I had this like shining light on my TV to watch and you know, 10 seasons is a lot.

Meredith: 

It’s a lot, yeah, so find a show that has many seasons. Find a show that has many seasons, because it really helped I had. There was one breakup I went through, and Parks and Rec was the way I got through it. I just sat and watched and I hadn’t been into it before anything and, oh man, that got me through it.

Shaina: 

So I’ll have to take a Biggest coping skill.

Meredith: 

I’ll have to take a poll of like which seasons of what. We’ll see where I fall when the time comes.

Shaina: 

Yeah, Definitely find a show for when that baby is born, because babies are great but they also can be a little boring in the beginning. You know they don’t do much.

Meredith: 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you find a show for them too. Yes, for them a personality, exactly, exactly, as I wrap this up here with you, is there anything that you wanna promote, ways that people can get in touch with you, or I do, I do, I have my own private practice and I am actively accepting new clients.

Shaina: 

So my website is sgolman G-O-E-L-M-A-N. Therapycom. I’m also. I have a profile in psychology today and I’m really hoping to grow my perinatal mental health practice. So I’m hoping to have some groups, some virtual groups, to support new moms. I love that. Yeah, right now I’m only licensed in California, but I’m hoping to get licensed in a few more states so I can really help more people, because that’s just what I love to do.

Meredith: 

Yeah, it’s funny the way that these things find us and the you know. Yeah, you were gonna be. What were you doing in entertainment before?

Shaina: 

I was a coordinator, which is basically just a fancy way of saying I was an assistant for a network. Okay, yeah, so I worked for Lifetime Television and were you in?

Meredith: 

current programming for them.

Shaina: 

I was in scripted series so my department was small. Lifetime’s TV department at the time was smaller. They don’t have TV shows on anymore, but so we did everything. We did current and we did development.

Meredith: 

Just a little tiny, just small responsibilities of everything that’s currently on air and everything that could be on air.

Shaina: 

Yeah, it was listen, it was fun. One of the shows that they had on the air for two years I brought into the network. So that was a career highlight and very exciting. It just, you know, the entertainment industry can be very toxic and I think that it took a lot out of me. And even on my worst days in therapy and I worked in residential treatment centers where with teens and adults, you know those are hard, it’s a hard environment to be in. And even on my worst day in those jobs it was better than my best day in entertainment. Yeah, yeah.

Meredith: 

Well, I’m so glad. I’m so glad that you found something that makes you happy. I’m so glad you’ve got that sweet, sweet little dude. Yes, me too. I can’t wait to see him tomorrow.

Shaina: 

I know I can’t. We can’t wait to see you either, and I’m so glad we were able to connect because I think it’s so important, especially to connect with other moms who are doing, you know, the solo motherhood by choice, because it’s different than having a baby with a partner. It just is yeah. So it’s nice to have other people that are doing the same thing.

Meredith: 

Yeah, well, you’re the best, shayna. Thank you so much.

Shaina: 

And I’ll talk to you again soon, probably.

Meredith: 

I’m just gonna keep having you on. Oh, I would love that. I’d love to see that. Great, great, okay. So the Backup Plan is created, produced and hosted by me, meredith Kate. Julian Hagens is my co-producer. You can find us on social media at backupplanpod. The best place to get updates is to sign up for our newsletter at backupplanpodcom, where we also post all episodes, show notes and transcripts. Thank you for listening.

Interested in therapy with Shaina?

 

Check her out on Psychology Today or visit her website here!

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