8: Don’t Be a Kevin (w/ Whitney Warren)

September 28, 2023

Description

Whitney has been a real one since 2003 proving that some of the weirdos you meet in the Theatre Department are truly worth keeping around. As Meredith is deep enough in her own story to sometimes gloss over details, Whitney plays host and asks some of the questions that the audience might have.

Meredith also gives a stirring summary of the 2011 film, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN.

Transcript

Meredith: 

I know I need somebody to ask me the questions I forget to come up with.

Whitney: 

I know it’s been very hard to not ask them when we’re just catching up, because I’m like I feel like this is stuff she needs to be talking about. This is content.

Meredith: 

I love you.

Whitney: 

Coming from the marketing side of me.

Meredith: 

This is what the college is Right. Well, good, yeah, make a list. Keep me honest, babe Will do. Hello, my friends, welcome back to the Backup Plan. If you’re listening to this live, you are likely listening to it two days late. My deepest apologies. It just ended up being a real doozy of a week. After traveling for work, I came home, got last week’s podcast out and then got on a plane and went out to Las Vegas with a friend for the Life is Beautiful Music Festival, which, you know, I never thought I was a music festival gal, but turns out I’m just my own kind of music festival gal. I’m not wearing crop tops and see-through pants and like rolling on Molly, but I am wearing a sensible tank top, some jeans and having a couple of tequila-based drinks and enjoying the music, which is what you’re really there to do. I gotta thank my friend, carla, who I know is listening. I love you, carla. She was such a great host and shepherd, having been a Life is Beautiful veteran, to take me around to all the different stages and know where to go. And there was great little art fair. We had some great conversations with the locals there and it was just fun. We had a really great time. So then I touched down from Vegas go to sleep. My mom wakes me up, tells me Phoebe’s on the way. Phoebe is my niece and she was born this week via early C-section. With that news we addressed ready to go back up to Los Angeles to see one of my very best friends, ariana Maddox, in the Dancing with the Stars premiere. I haven’t watched Dancing with the Stars in years. It was really fantastic and I’m biased, but holy shit, she was great. So watch. Vote On Tuesdays you gotta vote East Coast time because they close the polls. West Coasters don’t even get to see the dances before we vote. Like what the fuck? What’s that about? But it doesn’t matter, because we’re all voting for Ariana. So it was there and I screamed so loud in the audience that Mauricio Umanski’s daughter looked at me like I was crazy and I think just generally in life, just live like a new Manski side-eyeing you Am I right? Like just go wild. That’s what this life is about. Anyway, while we were waiting in line to go in for that, we got some like crazy news about the birth, which I don’t know if it ended up being correct or not, but it was a real scare and so that was on my mind basically like the whole show. And then I came out of the show and I got some kind of disappointing work information, which is extra stress that nobody needs. But we’re going to push through it anyway. And hey, I got a promotion at work this week on top of everything. So you know, it was just this week was crazy. It was information overload and something had to give and I regret that it was the podcast. But you know, this is something I have total control over and if I’ve decided that this is going to take a day off, this gets to take a day off. It’s cool. It’s not like I’m pregnant yet, so we’re just. You know, we’re slowly building up to it. Anyway, this week I’m not hosting the podcast. This week my friend Whitney is hosting the podcast. Whitney and I went to college together. The aforementioned Ariana Maddox was the third leg to our little friendship tripod. Whitney’s been there through thick and thin for me. She was the one who and my dad, passed away, got in the car and immediately drove to me, was there for me and is the kind of person that you always want on your side and if you like her this week, you’re going to like her next week, because next week she’ll be on with another dear friend of mine, christina Ariel. We actually recorded that podcast first and then I recorded with Whitney, and this week it just kind of makes sense for me to drop the Whitney interview first. Background information you don’t need. Anyway, this feels like listening in on a sleepover, because Whitney and I have had a couple of conversations about this path that I’m choosing and I found out that she has been holding back on some of the questions that she has for me because, as you heard at the beginning here, it’s content, so she’s been saving it so that we could talk about it on the podcast. And turns out, guys, I have my birth partner who needs a husband. When you have a Whitney, we talk about screen time. We talk about scary decisions that you kind of have to make when you’re going into pregnancy. We talk about inside jokes at Flagler College about the ways that moms talk to you when they’re upset, or at least the way 90s moms talked to their children when they were upset. It’s that like gritted teeth thing where they come and they like, they like grab you by the arm and they like talk into your ear and they’re like do you want the ice cream? Do you want the ice cream? Oh, take the ice cream away from you. Anyway, if we do that whole bit, so that’s funny, maybe just us. But yeah, I’m just really excited for you guys to meet her and to kind of learn about the support system I have going into this and to learn a little bit more about my thoughts on parenthood and my thoughts on pregnancy. And I mean, listen, you get to hear that I have really thought this fucking thing out, like I’ve done a lot of thinking and I’m a little nervous that this episode is going to end up being embarrassing to me later, because I don’t like being vulnerable and I don’t like being wrong about things and I have some like guesstimations about the way that things will go or the way that all parent which could just be an absolute joke, or I could listen back on this later and be like I knew exactly what the fuck I was doing. Who knows, you know, who knows that’s life. So before we pop out, I want to thank a few folks for their reviews. Thank you, daven. I know who you are, I see you and Daven actually got in touch with me and gave some really great suggestions about recurring segments and stuff like that. So get ready because we’re going to be implementing those soon. Kw302 said Meredith provides a charismatic, candid and honest experience on an alternative path to motherhood. It’s not too late to dive in. Thank you, kw, whoever you are, and I’m just really I’m so touched by we’ve got 30 ratings now, which is totally wild. So thank you so much for listening. Please make sure to follow on social media. We’re just getting kicked off on that. There’s only, you know, so many things I can focus on in the beginning of this content creation journey. So we’re getting there, we’re working on it, we’re moving and grooving. And then, in terms of updates with my conception process, we’re looking. I’m going to try and make October work. I just ovulated, in case you were wondering, but my goal was lost in the wilds of Canada. There is no way that I would have been able to find him anyway. But next month and the month after that, I think we’re going to be able to figure something out. And then, after that is my wild worldly travel, which he has offered to come to wherever I am at on the opposite side of the world, and maybe we just named the baby after the country I’m going to, who knows? So, without further ado, I will bring to you Whitney, who’s going to take over hosting duties for me. Thanks for listening, guys.

Whitney: 

Hey everybody, welcome back to the backup plan. My name is Whitney, I’m Meredith’s friend and I’m here to host today’s podcast. Host me. Whitney is going to host. Whitney will host. I have so many questions for Meredith and just want to know everything. So I’m the type of person when I meet somebody, I don’t care what you do for a living. I mean, that’s not true, I care, but I want to ask the questions. I want to go from meeting you to knowing your entire life in that first meeting, which you already know a majority of my life, but I feel like it’s super interesting, and so I am here to ask the questions that I hope everybody else is wanting to know, to walk me through the science of a DIY, like I mean, obviously you did an episode and it was so fascinating, sure.

Meredith: 

Sure. So when you say the science of it, I mean I don’t the sperm meets the egg, but like you mean like what the like Passover was or the handover, yes, okay. So like very specifically, I took, I sterilized a cup because I bought a because I didn’t want to go through like a million plastic cups. So I bought a menstrual cup sterilizer. So I sterilized the it’s a Ziploc brand twisty top one. It’s a little little guy and that had already I had steamed that, so it was like sterilized properly. Handed that over to Michael. He went into the bathroom. I stayed in the guest room and turned off the lights and then so he just like I mean you know how boys get their juices flowing? And when I went in and got it he left the house. I waited until he left the house and then I just had one of those like little tiny syringes that you would use for like dog or cat medicine or something like that, and put it as far up as I could and slowly let it out. Tried not to deal with the smell I think I talked about this in a previous podcast but I was like I can’t, oh, I haven’t smelled it in a while, and like when I was around it more frequently it was just like oh, whatever. But then when it’s your friends too, it’s like yeah, no, so just try to hold my breath as best as I could. And then I used a menstrual cup, because I heard that a menstrual, not a cup. A menstrual disc, because menstrual cup is longer, which I love.

Whitney: 

Menstrual cups Best thing you actually talked to me into getting one.

Meredith: 

And it’s changed your life, hasn’t it it truly?

Whitney: 

has Truly truly Like I’m not here to talk to people into doing whatever with their vaginas, but like I’m, I have always had a horrible period with like the worst cramps of my life. The I use specifically the diva cup Me too. I think I use it because you do, because that’s what I really like to do Influencer. Influence. Consider me influenced. My cramps are half of what they used to be.

Meredith: 

Really. Yeah, it’s changed your cramps. That’s wild, that’s crazy, because I’ve never had like cramping problems. Like usually the first day or something I’ll get a little crampy. But this last month I got really crampy, but for me it was just the convenience of like being able to leave it in all day and all night and I totally forget it’s in there. Yes.

Whitney: 

I cannot without getting like I don’t want to get too graphic, but like I cannot leave it in during the day because you got to More space. Your cup spilleth over, my cup runneth over. So I wear it at night and then I use Lola during the day, which is a mail order tampon. That’s my own brand and it’s like all natural. And again it’s like I feel like my cramps are less because it’s like just bare bones, literally just cotton. But yeah, thanks for influencing me.

Meredith: 

You’re so welcome, anyways. Ok, so you put in a menstrual disc. So the disc is different in that it’s like flatter, it’s kind of shaped like a diaphragm, it’s just it keeps things closer to the cervix. So that that was, oh, and before I did. Before I did that, I used pre seed, and so pre seed is women’s bodies, the alkalinity or something. Again, science is really not something I should explain, but I can tell you that, like I know the woman’s body, it’s not a hospitable environment for sperm, like your vagina is constantly trying to kill whatever is in there. So that’s why a lot of sperm don’t make it all the way up. So this kind of, I guess I think, neutralizes the pH balance or something. Does that sound good? I’ll put it in a show notes. I’ll put it in the show notes, I’ll correct myself, and so I put that in first and then looped up with that. It’s like a syringe again. So, it’s all up in there, syringe the little swimmers in and then menstrual cup to hold it in, and sat with my legs in the air for a little bit of time. Now I will do that again. When I did it that, as I mentioned, like numerous times, I was so depressed and I was so I had a panic attack and after about 30 minutes, like I called Dana and then I called my mom, I called to try to call a bunch of people. I think I tried to call you at that point because you’re a person I call when bad things. I talked to you. Yeah, I talked to you, you did talk to me. See, I don’t even remember that so much of a panic attack I was having. And then I was just like I hate this, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this, and I.

Whitney: 

I talked to you while you were there and also, like at the four different airports that you have to go to to get home.

Meredith: 

Essentially, because I left a day early, because I was just like I just want to be at home in my bed and I spent like a thousand dollars or something to fly home a day early and I was like it’s a four, my credit card bill doesn’t agree, but I doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter. I ended up like taking a shower right after because I was just like I just feel, I just feel dirty. And it’s funny because Michael, like after, when we were talking about it and stuff, he’s like well, I mean you’ve had sex without condoms, and I was like no, I have not, like never, because I that’s, I’m never, I would never. Not that I’m slut, not that I’m slut shaming. You had a slutty Christmas, I’ve had a slutty Christmas. So you know, sluts, sluts for everyone. This next time I do it it’ll be a similar kind of situation, just at home and comfort at my own home, hopefully, fingers crossed that you know there’s some things I’m not going to be able to control. Does that suffice? Does that scientific enough for you?

Whitney: 

Perfect, great. Just for the curious minds, I guess.

Meredith: 

Yeah, what else do you want to know?

Whitney: 

What does like your perfect? I mean, it doesn’t have to necessarily be perfect, but like what? How do you envision your labor day? Like, do you want somebody in the room with you? I know you kind of talked about this, like with your mom, with, like playing a song and like whatever. Are you the type of person who’s going to want to like scream through the pain? Are you going to want to try to stay like Zen, Do you? Do you want to have a song playing? Do you want somebody in there? What does that look like for you? I don’t know.

Meredith: 

I haven’t thought that much about it. I like my goal right now is just getting knocked up. But I can see myself I’m really good at like compartmentalizing and I will just like turn off, and so I can see like, when the pain comes, I can see myself wanting people in the room and then telling them to all leave and like leave me alone, and then wanting them to come back, and then whoever is there is going to probably be doing a lot of shuffling around. I mean, I could see you being there for sure.

Whitney: 

I mean, I don’t want to invite myself. Come to the party. I was just about to say I will shuffle whatever. I will create the group text, I will create the food train.

Meredith: 

I love that. I love that. No, and I’ve had a lot of people reach out and say that they would do that too. But people reaching out and saying they do that and people actually doing that Like I will see what happens. But I’ve looked into. I love the idea of a home birth, but I also see myself getting very worked up about like the house being perfectly cleaned or something and like in the same way that sometimes I just have to leave the house and like go to a coffee shop or something, or the office to get work done. I’m too busy looking at like the wall that needs to be painted or that thing that needs to get cocked and that’s not a good environment. There’s a really good hospital like a little bit down the freeway. There isn’t a really good hospital like a mile or two from me. A birthing center I like, but I don’t know that I would want it to be that crunchy granola Right. I have found there’s a place. Hogue Hospital is one of the big hospitals here in Orange County and you know I’ve already like driven by. They have really fancy birthing suites.

Whitney: 

It’s called the Fudge.

Meredith: 

Family Birthing Suites or something. And so I’m like, yeah, I think that’s where I want to go. And so I did kind of reverse engineer of like looking up the doctors that service that use that hospital and it’s like a 10, 15 minute drive away, so it’s not that far. And then the doctor that I found that I’m like, oh, I feel comfortable. Now We’ll see when I meet them, meet them. But I think I want to go to that person and I see that they work out of that hospital. So probably there they have like nice little. I think they have like little patios and stuff. I would like I love that.

Whitney: 

I can foresee my people.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I can foresee myself like wanting windows open, you know, just kind of going into myself. I don’t like to ask people for help. I don’t have a problem asking you for help, so come on down.

Whitney: 

I like I always. It’s very weird. I feel like I’m like living vicariously through you somehow.

Meredith: 

Yeah, I’ll let you.

Whitney: 

So, like I haven’t always been, like I’m not having kids, but like there was a time I want to say it was when Jenna was pregnant with her first child and I, we like sat down one night hanging on the couch and we watched like a million birthing videos. Yeah, like, and some of them are pretty I don’t want to say graphic, because I feel like that has like a negative connotation they’re very detailed, very detailed is what I would say. It was just like the coolest thing to see, and I know that that’s like a hot take in some people’s opinion, but like I think that that is like one thing that I’m like shoot, I would love to experience that.

Meredith: 

Yeah.

Whitney: 

Like I know it’s not always pretty, I know it’s painful, I know it’s intense, but like women are awesome, yeah, and bodies can do that is just like truly the most badass thing I could think of.

Meredith: 

Yeah, no, I know that you’re into the details of it and that you’ve told me that like one of the only reasons you’d want to have a kid was just to, like, see your body do some weird shit.

Whitney: 

It’s like the wildest shit and I think too, like, especially not because I have a ton of friends that are in like different stages of momhood, whether that’s like wanting to be a mom or is a mom, and like maybe they’re like this is like a lot harder than I thought, or just being a mom and being all in and loving it, right, like I feel like people who are super into it feel differently when they see their friends going through this right, but like because I love the science and because I know that like hey, I think that this maybe is something that I don’t want to do, it like it is the coolest thing to witness your friends go through. I feel like you would be like a really good doula. Honestly, I truly feel like my calling in life. I should have been like a doula or I know this is like very weird but I should have gone into mortuary science.

Meredith: 

I mean, what’s stopping you?

Whitney: 

I’m too broke to go back to school.

Meredith: 

I feel like doula stuff wouldn’t like break the bank.

Whitney: 

No, and you can actually do it part time too. I mean look into it girl, like I’m trying right now to like shave things off my plate, you know, yeah, but yes, very much, I feel like that would be such a cool thing to do. Yeah, yeah, what are your thoughts? And like, of course, if you don’t want to discuss any hot takes, we can save this for another time. But what are your thoughts on screen time and kids? Oh, for kids.

Meredith: 

I was raised on Wheel of Fortune, like we discussed that in the episode with my mom. So I just think that I don’t. I get really sad when I see parents just hand off an iPad. Now I also have seen kids who have various learning disabilities it’s not the right way to say it anymore but have some challenges and that Learning differences Learning differences and that that is a real help for them. So I can’t judge a situation that I don’t know, but when I generally see somebody just handing off an iPad to a kid and then not interacting with them, I think that’s really sad. So I want to interact with my kids a lot. I want to interact with my kids and so, like I want to interact with them while they’re using the iPad or I want them to like learn how to text and code and like actually use the technology, not just go boop or just stare at a. YouTube video. I don’t see myself like doing heart and fast rules about like you get 10 minutes a day, but I do see myself being like you have five more minutes and then that goes down. So yeah, but they’ll have their own iPad because I don’t want them messing with my phone. Yeah, no, no, no, Like I’m not against getting an iPad for a baby when they’re like six months old and being like and it’s in her special baby bumper.

Whitney: 

That’s such a question that I love asking people, because I had no reason to think this way. But, like I was always very much like I would be a no technology parent for sure, no screen time whatsoever and I don’t really know why I thought that. I think because I myself don’t like screen time, like I am very much a person who sets a lot of boundaries with my phone and I didn’t have. I literally just got an Apple watch, but it’s a Gen 2 that was given to me by my brother because he was like you’ve got to get with the times, lady. But as I have watched, like me, nieces go through school and me not. If you go through school, they incorporate that technology so much into the classroom that it’s like you can’t really get away from it. And then, and Also I think it was like my cousin Haven brought it up it could have been friend, I don’t remember, but, like you know, how do you say no screen time and then your kid goes over to another friend’s house and that kid is allowed to have screen time. And how do you, as a parent, like explain why you’re a no screen time household? Well, like, the more I thought about it, it’s like, why did I think that way? Like, why was I so like, staunchly like.

Meredith: 

But there are kids who, like when we were growing up, there were parents who were like you’re not allowed to watch TV Like my children don’t watch TV. My parents never placed any kind of limits on me for that at all like, and I had a TV in my room. But the limit was that, like I had to buy that TV, like I used my baby sitting by me to buy the TV. But we also I counted at one time there were 17 TVs in the house, like there’s one in each room. Sometimes there were two in a room. It was bonkers in my house and that’s why I work in entertainment now. Yeah, so I kind of think of it as the same way and like I. You know how some kids are like come from no sugar households and then go somewhere where there’s sugar and then they’re just like insane and they can’t like they can’t regulate it either. I’m kind of of that mindset of like, let’s just be mindful and I just I don’t want to sit at a table and have everybody be on like separate devices and not talking to each other. So like dinner time, none of that you know, I would like to. I kind of think this the same way about this as I do with food, cause I remember when I was doing I was doing some really intense babysitting for a while where I was like with this kid, like it was basically nannying, and I was eating healthier because I was worried about what he was eating, so we were both eating healthier. So, like I would like to use the momentum of like teaching a kid good habits to use on myself. I’m always trying to be a better person, you know. Like you know, let me charge my phone in another room when I go to sleep or no. I just want to lay in bed and look at my phone Like I’m just I’m trying to be better about that sort of thing.

Whitney: 

So yeah, I love that. I like I have perfection paralysis a lot of the times and like like I know, like I am neurotic about what I feed my cat. She’s on like a raw diet and she eats like disgusting things like chicken hearts and duck liver and she’s rabbit. Like that’s very upsetting for me because I’ve had bunnies, but like I wonder if I would be like that as a parent as well. Like I’m down to eat Taco Bell. I love having a Baja Blast, but like would I let my kid eat that because of the way my anxiety is? I don’t know? Yeah, and I’m always so curious about that, and I think it’s like so awesome when I see parents like meeting their kids where they’re at. Yeah, it makes sense, yeah, yeah, yeah, to like segue into that. Like what, what type of mom do you, or parent in general, do you see yourself being? Are you one that’s going to stick to like a schedule every day? Are you going to be flexible with that schedule? Like, is that anything that you’ve thought about?

Meredith: 

I don’t see it. I don’t I mean knock on wood or like I don’t want to. I don’t want to say anything that I’m going to laugh at later, but but I think that would be like a great like.

Whitney: 

later on you come back and say, like this is what I said and this is what I’m doing.

Meredith: 

Yeah, but I don’t like to be wrong about anything, whitney. That is fair. That’s kind of what’s been hard about this whole process for me is like, oh God, you’re like documenting it and people may be able to look at it and be like you were wrong, and I don’t want to ever be wrong and I also don’t.

Whitney: 

First of all, keyboard warriors seem to just stop no.

Meredith: 

I know, but I don’t, but I mostly it’s me. I’m the keyboard warrior I’m most concerned about. I just want to be a robot who does things correctly this first time and doesn’t have to worry about emotions. Or like who’s to say what’s correct Me apparently.

Whitney: 

Future me, I mean that’s fair Future me.

Meredith: 

So I just kind of I see myself not changing that much and, like I said, just becoming the more me version of me. So, like I have routines, I have certain things that I do before I go to bed. I brush my teeth and I floss and I lay down in bed and I put my bed onto the zero gravity setting because I have an adjustable bed.

Whitney: 

I love this.

Meredith: 

And sometimes I read, sometimes I scroll my phone, sometimes I’m doing like New York Times Crossword puzzles or whatever Best scenario. So I’m reading a Star Wars book before I go to bed. It’s fine, I’ll tell you which ones are the best, if you are interested in knowing. And then, like when I wake up in the morning, I will. Always it doesn’t feel right until I open my curtains and open to my blinds, and pretty much for the past two years, every morning I have an English muffin with peanut butter and, like you know, I do have certain routine, certain things that I do, but I’m not if I have McDonald’s for breakfast one morning or I decide to go all out and make eggs, or whatever I do. That it’s not like I’m not strict about doing a thing. Right it doesn’t throw your day off. Yeah, there are some nights, I don’t floss if I’m super. I know it’s like Living on the edge Three times a year sometimes, Sometimes four. So I see myself as being like that with kids too, where it’s like there is a bedtime routine. But if we go to Disneyland one night and we stay for the fireworks and we come home and it’s just been a day, then we’ll do a bath in the morning or whatever. You know like I don’t see myself as being like very rigid. I have seen parents who are super rigid and then it’s like when that falls apart, their whole world totally collapses and like I don’t wanna do that. But I think I would have been more like that in the past and I would have been a much more high strung mother, not fun mom. I think I’m gonna be a funner mom than I would have been in the past. Funner mom, yeah. So yeah. And I mean I plan on doing a lot of travel with this kid and stuff and seeing the world with them and like there are ways to keep up traditions in different ways. You know, like maybe you’re reading a kid’s book on your iPhone before you go to bed or something, or you know you’re still having like cuddle time, but it’s just in a different location or whatever. I think there’s different ways to maintain different kinds of routines and so I’m more.

Whitney: 

Well, I think, like you we kind of talked about this before, but you are so seeing you with kids is like the coolest thing to witness, because it is so not something that comes natural to me, but you are so natural. You’re like you’re a full person. You’re just, you know, tiny and you talk to kids like they’re full grown adults, like you have known them for years, and I think that’s gonna be really cool to see you do that with, like your own tiny human.

Meredith: 

Yeah, but what if I have like a? What if I have a tiny asshole and like that’s the one kid I can’t connect with? Have you ever seen the movie we need to talk about Kevin? No, it’s Tilda Swinton and she has a kid and there’s something wrong with him and everybody is like, no, he’s fine. And she’s like we need to talk about Kevin and he’s like I think he ends up doing some sort of a like killing spray or something she’s like see, we should have talked about Kevin.

Whitney: 

I feel like I have seen that.

Meredith: 

Yeah. Yeah so sometimes I do worry about that a little bit and that like I’m so good with every kid, wouldn’t it just be like like the world’s funniest joke to like saddle me with a kid? He’s just like I hate you, like everything about you. I just want to be a CPA and live in like Nebraska, you know, like I won’t know what to do. I won’t know what to do with that child, but I’ll wish them the best and I’ll send them to CPA school if I have the fun.

Whitney: 

We’ll see you in Nebraska, kid.

Meredith: 

If I get that free to baby sponsorship, I’ll send them to CPA school in Nebraska.

Whitney: 

That’s so wild. I know I have like friends that are different style, like whether they’re like the very you know I don’t want to say rigid, because I feel like that’s negative sounding, but, like you know, very scheduled and then also just kind of like a whatever. I feel like you and I had similar experiences as a kid where it was like a little bit of both. Like it was you know a schedule, but like my also like with my family.

Meredith: 

I feel like emotionally it was pretty rigid, just because it’s like my mom’s Irish Catholic.

Whitney: 

Yeah, you get it.

Meredith: 

Yeah, they were like it was weird because they were like very leaning about some things and then like really strict about weird things. Same yeah.

Whitney: 

Like my parents were like, well, we don’t have any rules, like we’re going to trust you, but don’t break that trust. I’m like, okay, well, how do I break the trust?

Meredith: 

But then, like there was like you’ll find out and you’re like what does that mean?

Whitney: 

Yeah, yeah, the 80s version of fuck around, find out Exactly. But like some of the things that I like wasn’t allowed to do, it was like I, if I had a friend whose house I wanted to like have a slumber party with, like I couldn’t stay there for more than like one night in a row. Or like if I like wanted to go do something like multiple times, I don’t know, it was very weird. I’m trying to think of like an exact oh. I wasn’t allowed to go to Bush Gardens without one of my parents until I was like 16, specifically because and I have the like most vivid memory of this because apparently at some point in time, somebody like took a syringe that had drugs in it and like shoved it in somebody’s butt cheek, and so my parents literally were like you can’t go to Bush Gardens because you’re going to get butt drugs. But I feel like what I was trying to say is I feel like both of our families like kind of like met us where we were and we were very much a part of their lives. Yeah, but in a way that made us feel appreciated as people.

Meredith: 

Yeah Well, my mom. My mom loved to be involved and so she was always there, which was frustrating to me.

Whitney: 

I didn’t I remember that yeah. Yeah, I mean as your friend who had like the mom, the friend’s mom, around like we thought it was the best.

Meredith: 

Yeah, yeah, I was just annoyed all the time, and now I bring her to things, so I’m like. Mom, I’m bringing you, Like it’s fine, it’s whatever, and I want you here. But sometimes she does still get like nervous about, like I don’t want to upset you and I’m like you already did that a long time ago, don’t worry about it. Yeah, we’ll pass that. Yeah, yeah, well, and I think it’s because that’s probably has to play into the whole like homeschooling thing too, of like so much of the socializing that I did required her to drive me to places, and so then, she would have. Oh, I was homeschooled, by the way, I guess I haven’t mentioned that on this podcast at any point.

Whitney: 

I feel like you may have.

Meredith: 

Oh, ok. Well, you never know when a person’s going to jump in, Right? So I was homeschooled guys, that was from I’m talking to you people From sixth grade to graduation of high school, and so I yeah, just my mom had to drive me places and then like where was she going to go? Was her feeling, whereas my feeling is a little bit more like a coffee shop down the street and I don’t know like maybe find a friend in the area and go meet up with, go sit on their couch and talk to them. But my family I’m very different from my family in that they are very insular and, like I have so many friends that, like the idea to me of like not having a place to go, we’re not having a thing to do, we’re not having somebody to reach out to, is kind of like bonkers. So, yeah, I, that’s, that’s why I think to me, identity is really important and maintaining identity, and then, especially for me, because it’s like it’s not like I have a husband to fall back on, I have to, I have to maintain relationships with other people. So that’s, I think I think this is part of it is like me just doing the work to solidify different people in different ways. Yeah, I think that went off the track of the question that you had.

Whitney: 

But I love it, it doesn’t matter OK.

Meredith: 

I know it’s your podcast right now.

Whitney: 

That’s true. It’s my podcast.

Meredith: 

now I’m the host now bitch.

Whitney: 

What are you? I want to know what you’re. This is like such an interview question what are you the most excited about, right, and what are you the least excited about like what? What are some of, I guess, your I’m gonna say fears, but something that you’re not super stoked on?

Meredith: 

pregnancy or parenthood or what Both. Let’s start with pregnancy. Oh, hold on. Hey mom, you’re looking for me, aren’t you? Hi? Oh, for both of us. Okay, look at sweat knee. Hi here, wait, you can yell for her. Hi with me. No, that’s you. Don’t talk into a headphone so you can hear her. Hi, what have we yet? Okay, I am For pregnancy. I am just the the entire process and being worried the whole time that something’s gonna go wrong. I’m already like what, if you know they? They find something wrong with a kid and everything like mm-hmm. I think the thing too is that I have to. This may be a controversial take, maybe I’ll get some heat for this. I have to bear in mind that I am raising this kid alone and Michael becomes increasingly more Involved. But him and I do have kind of similar feelings in that if this is the only kid I have to and I don’t want to saddle, I don’t want to have a sibling for a kid to help if something goes wrong with a pregnancy, if something goes wrong with that kid and they’re born and they’re, you know, having credible like developmental problems and stuff like my. My main support system right now is my like 72 year old mother, me, who is on the older side of things. Michael, who doesn’t live here and is, you know, has signed his rights away as a parent too, right, like, so it’s just theoretically me. I have to be really cognizant of the, the life that I’m bringing into this world and Be aware I don’t, I don’t want to have a kid who is Stuck at a certain place in the human experience and for them to end up in a home or on the street or Like that’s not Enriching anything. You know, that’s it’s, that’s sad and it’s scary and that is that’s it. That’s it right there. So I have to, I have to be smart about the life that I’m bringing into the world and I’m pro-choice. And If that’s a choice I have to make, I did like a Hate, I hate it, I hate thinking about it, but I think about it. And then, in terms of parenthood, I guess it’s you know, we need to talk about Kevin, like nervous about Kevin. Don’t have a Kevin. Yeah, I think those are the two things. And then, like, in terms of like things, I’m excited about, like just life. Man, it’s exciting about life. You know, once you go through the darkness of losing a parent and you just like, you see things differently and I just, I just want, I just want the new family. I just want Not a new family, that sounds bad, but like the next chapter. Did you watch? Did you watch House of Dragons?

Whitney: 

I have not. Okay, I need. I. Basically I know how I am and I need To have the time to watch it in one sitting and I have not had that availability yet.

Meredith: 

Yeah, yeah, one of the characters has did I talk about this on the podcast? I’ve talked about this to people. I talked about it to you, yes, yes. One of the characters like Starts out pretty single and solitary and then, by the end, has like amassed this, like Chosen family and I it chosen in different ways and then like happened like they had. They, you know, their family grew, but to me that was one of the things that I watched, that I was like, oh, I Can build my own family in my own way. It doesn’t have to be that very Set way. So I’m just excited about that, about just being like this is what I’ve chosen. And here it comes. Which is better not be a, kevin, don’t be a.

Whitney: 

Kevin, kevin. That’s the first thing I’m gonna say to that kid Don’t be a Kevin. You talk through the pretty teeth.

Meredith: 

Yeah, you’re not making me turn this girl. You want the pretty pony? Do you want the pretty pony? Best thing that ever came out of Flagler College Theatre Department was that inside joke.

Whitney: 

I love it so much I’m trying to think of one else that I have. I do have to head out soon.

Meredith: 

Well, we can do this again too. Yeah, make a list of questions my boo, I will okay, all right. Well, apparently my mother’s ordered me a falafel wrap.

Whitney: 

So I’m very jealous, I’m so hungry you know why.

Meredith: 

You know what it is. It’s because six o’clock hits and then I go outside and I make dinner, despite the fact that I’ve been working all day. I go out there and I slave over hot stove. Look at you and she just sits at the table which she sets, but I make the meal. So, because I have done two interviews in a row, now it’s almost eight o’clock and nobody’s there to make her food and so she’s. That’s the secret, right? I guess I just Keep working. There we go. I love you. Thank you for doing this I love you. Love you, bye. The backup plan is created, produced and hosted by me, meredith Kate. Julian Hagen’s is my co-producer. You can find us on social media at backup plan pod. The best place to get updates is to sign up for our newsletter at backup plan podcom, where we also post all episodes, show notes and transplants. Thank you for listening.

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